Please Don't Change by Tom Pascal (tommyp) (Procedural Programming)  Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - A boy with anger management issues realises that life isn't all about him. - pdf, format

Nice script, well written.


SPOILERS*******************

Alex's reflection is a wonderful idea. It "reflects" his "illness". I loved the final twist with the double meaning. But this is not dramedy. Alex is not nice. He's sometimes moving, but he's a f****** sexist and he deserves what happened to him.

I forgot. You included the song, but it seems to come out of nowhere and completely out of the tone of the story.

Meeting the competition criteria: some comedy, some drama, and a suggestion of romance. However, one thing spoilt it for me: Alex telling Sasha he 'might' love her after 7 months of their relationship. Some will disagree...but I think you know by that point. The song came a bit out of left-field, but all in all this was better than other attempts
Characters: I actually really liked Tasha. Alex's his reflection was well-utilised, but he himself just seemed a bit...one-dimensional, and not at all likeable. Not bad, though
Dialogue: it's not the most natural-feeling dialogue in the world, but it had its moments, particularly at the end. Not great, but not disastrous, either, since I could sense a genuine attempt to express some real feelings
Story: I liked the way this played out. The two scenes running side-by-side - Alex talking to his reflection and their break-up - was handled well, and I did like the very ending. Perhaps not quite enough drama, but even so, I liked it. I also felt that Alex had changed by the end...you slotted in his progression nicely
Writing/format: pretty anonymous writing style, but perfectly functional. Hard to find much to comment about...I thought you handled the lyrics well

This seemed uneven to me. It starts our normal, then becomes a little mini musical, then goes back to being normal.

I liked when the two sang and wanted the "musical" to continue but it didn't. I know, Boo-hoo for me.

There was humor but not anything that I thought was really funny. Maybe others will? No romance.

I liked the talk about films and genres.  It kept my interest so points for that.

Good use of the mirror, as said before. Um, yeah, some of the dialogue was a bit unrealistic, more two young people.

writing and formatting good. No real comedy in there but the song was ok, though sort of cliched how they sang it together. Pretty fair effort, as are all the entries!

Well written story. very interesting, characters start singing spontaniously - guess it's got to be a musical.

Talking mirror is another original touch.

congrats on making it as unique as possible.

My only complaint - all the changes in Alex are  a little fast for me. Tash's final realization is a bit fast too.

PLEASE DON’T CHANGE

Pros – Premise. Clean script with white spaces.

Cons – Too much time spent with Mr. Reflection.

Comedy – Yup. Spirited.

Romance – Story is during the breakup. I never thought Alex and Tasha were in the R zone on this one except maybe while singing.

Lyrics – Finally, a duet! Felt like it was shoe horned in but I loved it anyway.

Writer – Well done! Mr. Reflection was worth the price of entry. The dual bracelets were inspired.

Criteria – Spirited comedy but not in the R zone.

Gary

Wow, a muscical sort of touch on this one... i didn't like that, not for the piece of music chosen. Definitley not a piece sorted for the overdramatic beginning of your story.

Alex was nothing short of a prick, and I can tell thats what you were shooting for. But still, to say sausage is on the menu(Implying he wants to bone her) then booting her cuz she's not up to par on film genres??? Didn't buy into it.

I'm glad he got screwed in the end.

definitely lacked some  romance IMO.

James

What I like:
This is a unique piece of writing. The reflection as his alter ego is a clever and effective device to capture the inner conversation of someone struggling with a tough decision. Great character development, including the reflection.
The unexpected singing and duet kick this story into a fun and bizarre faux rock opera, which for me, was very entertaining. Nice job.

What I question:
In a romantic comedy or drama, you have to like the lovers, and Alex is detestable. So, the story falls out of the genre into some kind of middle world. More of a twisted romantic tale.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, what about the Challenge? Where' s the film director who has a great piece of music, and he needs lyrics and script to make his film.

Too many people cherry picked the Challenge and just structured a story using lyrics to redeem themselves or express their love for their significant other.

Big Lew

I didn't like your central character unfortunately. So the romantic element (which I didn't really feel) just didn't come through for me. I wouldn't want that guy the way he is - I'd want him to change - or I'd dump him, like she did.

While I think the alter-ego/reflection angle was an interesting device, I felt you story was just a little bit all over the place - like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that didn't quite gel.

The 'musical element' was quite a deft and unique touch.

As a drama it was good.

Difficult script to comment on this one.

It was an enjoyable ride. The musical interlude was comical and an emotional highpoint, yet it didn't seem to fit in wirth the seriousness of the rest of the plot.

Lots of ideas in there that all worked individually (thge reflection, the bracelets, the anger etc) just didn;t feel like a cohesive whole.

I think if I saw it as a film I would wonder what the hell it was all about.

Fun to read though. I'm sorry I can;t be more constructive.

I think there is alot of good this script, but it's just way too uneven.

It's very serious...then goes slapstick...then serious...then sad.  I don't know what I'm supposed to get out of this.

The music and lyrics were very well done, and 1 of the few that I could actually place into teh tune, but, because you threw it in the way you did, as a gag or whatever, I'm not sure what to think again.

My suggestion would be to figure out what this peice is supposed to be, and stick with it throughout.  Just too many different tones going on here.

Wow! A duet for a change... and in genuine musical mode too! Very thoughtful. I think a lot of people would've tried to tiptoe around musical territory, that is if the possibility even crossed their minds. The song was the best part of the script IMO. The lyrics weren't great but it stood out way more than any of the other songs I've read thus far. It didn't come off as cheesy either as is usually the case when breaking into song.

The characterization was a little weird. At times, Alex is able to analyze his situation pretty well with honesty and maturity (let's face it, the reflection is him) then at others, he acts like a five year old. These weren't the kinda anger management issues I was expecting. The popcorn was funny though. Tasha seemed to be all well and good, if a little oblivious to Alex's anger, but she did make reference to a "condition" at one point. I don't recall this ever being mentioned again. What's the deal?

The humor was a little light but it was there and mixed relatively well with the drama. Even with Alex's problems, both characters seemed pretty mellow, strangely enough. Overall, a pretty laid back piece that works relatively well.

I didn't really like the spontaneity of the song either. It could've worked if the rest of the script had a similar tone, but since the rest was so much serious I don't think it fit in that well.

I liked the dialogue between the two characters and thought it was pretty realistic for their intended ages. The reflection was a cool idea but I saw "reflection" as being an alternate reality version of Alex where everything about him is the complete opposite... he's calm, he's gay, he's rational... it works though I'm not sure whether or not that was your intent.

There's nothing wrong with having an unlikeable character (I love 'Arrested Development' but I wouldn't call any of those characters likeable) but with a romance it probably would've helped to have Tasha be just as unlikeable as Alex (think 'Bonnie and Clyde') so that we could atleast see a connection between them. The way it is right now, Alex antagonizes her, but not in a playful way, and it just makes him seem like a dick, which makes you question why Tasha would go out with him for 7 months. Maybe her "condition" may have something to do with that, but then it should've been explained in greater detail.

I actually liked this one, I just don't think you did a very good job of meeting the challenge, as far as incorporating the music and romance. Still an enjoyable read, though.

This one i liked, it went into a musical which was cool and different than anything so far in this challenge, pretty cool stuff.  The bracelet's with the exact same engravings is kinda out there, i dun know what the chances are of that, but still a solid effort with the best use of music so far.  good work.