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Mountain Hexer by Twenty - Horror - Two young men confront an evil moutain witch, but cannot possibly comprehend the horror they're about to confront. ( R ) - pdf, format
This is my cup of tea. Glad to see another "pisser" and one that was pretty funny as well. I didn't laugh out loud, but saw the humor and found it funny.
Could have done with a couple re-reads there. Some spelling and grammar mistakes that are unforgivable and inexcusable due to syntax. These include there that should be their or they're and the same thing with your (I think.)
I also think you could have used the extra 3-4 pages to create some suspense or build up of some sort.
But this worked for what it was. Good job on the humor and dialogue.
A bad writer, trying to become decent...
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Aha, first pisser of the day. I liked the mountain setting, but wasn't really sure what these two idiots were doing up there. Ugh, poor Lonnie. I laughed at a couple lines, but that's about it. Thanks for the slight humor break and bigger thanks for keeping this only six pages.
A pair of rednecks set out to kill a witch, one loses his meat and veg, something about Obamacare and then they go home... Some fun dialogue helped carry this along, though story-wise it came across as more of a skit and I’m not sure where it left us in the end.
Perhaps polished up a bit, with a little more pay-off this could make for a decent stand-alone.
Format wise the left margin looks off -- check your settings as that’ll add to the page count.
...And I learnt a new word ‘skinworm’.
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
Logline made me laugh, hopefully this is a comedy-horror.
Your margins are off as well as the font. Seems as if you wrote this in word? Using a program is usually always better.
"For real?" lol
"BRYAR Obamacare."
Okay, surprisingly, if you ignore the mistakes and such, this wasn't total shit. The story worked for what it was, it was amusing but nothing amazing. Probably a pisser but the humour kind of fell on itself. A decent effort.
First line typo, ouch, (it's should be its). I guess my first clue at what a goofy ride I was in for started with "ol' blasty here". At least I was hoping it was comedy as it was such a ridiculous line that I wouldn't be able to forgive it if it wasn't a comedy.
Though it had a witch and was set back in some creepy woods, not sure I really felt the horror aspect of it.
I have to admit the Ken Doll comment was humorous and "Obamacare" actually had me laughing out loud.
Some funny stuff here.
“Every piece of writing... starts from what I call a grit... a sight or sound, a sentence or happening that does not pass away... but quite inexplicably lodges in the mind.” ~ Rumer Godden
Hmm. I thought this was alright. Not particularly funny but cute and relatively fun. Thought the Obamacare jokes were uber topical though; anyone could've came up with them. The ending seemed to fit the set up alright.
Not horror at all though. Not even an attempt. I'd say a failure on the guidelines front.
Writing's okay. Couple typos. Could be cleaned up with a second sweep.
Eh. Nothing particularly bad about this one. Seems to lack punch if the comedy doesn't work though. And again, doesn't meet the challenge. Not for me, I'll say.
ATTENTION PERPS: the phrase is 'PISSTAKE'. Not this Americanized 'pisser'. Get it right dudes, lol!
This had some really funny moments. Love the slang names for his gentials. When it started I thought it was gonna be a Deliverance pisstake but it was cool.
At least it had a witch in it! Even though we did t see her, lol.
The writer knows his craft too, as it was formatted well, and there was the good sense of timing which makes a comedy tick.
This script is fine by me, comedy horror to a point, quite quirky which is what I like. Too many serious scripts in this world. The formatting was slightly off in places, some spelling mistakes. Nothing too distract from the story which above all else is more important.
Anything short is appreciated with 50 something scripts to read so kudos on length. I got a chuckle here and there. Even though a pisser...this is coming from a talented writer. Good job.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr