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The Pool by Anton Diether - Horror - Two children seem to be haunted by their dead mother's secret lover, as seen through the eyes of a young, troubled woman hired as a nanny while their father leaves town on business. Their suburban house evolves into a nightmare world of psychological evil that seems to emanate from the back-yard pool. 91 pages - pdf, format
Just downloaded this script. Quick note: no e-mail or contact on the title page, and the whole script appears to be in bold type? Is that just my computer? Makes it hard to read and many people will just instantly dismiss it upon seeing that. Easy fix. Sorry to be that guy.
I will read it all and review it properly, I promise.
Opening of the story doesn't read too bad but oh boy, that bold type is not easy on the eyes. No need to repeat your script title on the opening page either.
Anton, if you make an appearance I may read some more... Especially if you reformat it to normal font.
Yeah, I'm doing my best but had to take a break, my poor eyes. I'm pretty sure it can be fixed by just selecting the whole document, unclicking bold, and resaving a PDF. Anton, hope you can get on here, and resubmit, cos I'm really into the story, love horror of all kinds.
Andy, just be aware of the fact that some writers post their scripts on SS but do not take an active part in the discussion boards. I don't recognize Anton's name - he may or may not respond to whatever critique you post. Obviously you can read and review whatever you like but if I were you I'd keep it short and sweet until he makes an appearance.
If you read and review work done by SS regulars you're more likely to get a reciprocal review on yours. Though you'll find some generous souls with free time on their hands, it's generally quid pro quo.
Hi, Anton, hope you're still around or trying to work out the issues with your font. I read a few pages and it's a easy read so far. Though, I do agree with both LC and Andy about the print, and also wouldn't mind reading further if you're still around.
Also, I would tweak your log line.
BLB
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."