Too much of the back and forth in the early going revolves around them not hearing from anybody in weeks. After saying this once or twice it feels repetitive to bring it up again, unless there's actually a debate to be had, but it seems pretty clear they're on their own.

Also, some of the things they say make it sound like the apocalypse has only been going on for a few months (losing communication with authorities weeks ago) and some things make it sound like much longer (not looking a pictures from “before it happened”). How long past the crisis would you have to be to even think about looking at “old photos”?

This wasn't bad, per se, but it's well worn territory if you're at all familiar with zombie movies. Rich wanting to join her, and her memories, were the most interesting parts. If more time had been spent exploring those issues and moments, this might have been able to transcend the saturated zombie market.

Title not centered

VOICE should be RICH

"I know, cliche isn’t it? Give me a
week to come up with a reason for
the apocalypse and I could come up
with better than fucking zombies."

^^That's not a good story choice. A reference to the writer's real life situation within her/his own script is a no-go, shows massive insecurity. It is also confusing toward independent readers. Such things just turn the reader off IMO.

I don't like the ending. It was too goofy and self-ironic before, to then go the full drama-road. Same goes with the title: I'd much more see something comedic, striking and simple, like: "Mom is a Zombie".

It's a very clean script and some of it really works fine for me, like the general concept of a Zombie mom in a wheelchair, aided by two brothers --- dialogues were okay too.

It has the potential to be a hilarious, fine balanced comedy. A solid script, I'd say, that could massively improve with a second go.

I read the log line and thought “I think I’ve seen this one”. Went into it expecting the cliché zombie thing.
Nice solid writing.
Ended up with some nice twists. Comic in places, touching in others. Yep, it's a dramedy.
I don't have any suggestions.
This is nice solid work.
Thanks.

Title’s a little generic, but the logline clearly sets out the situation.  Could be interesting...

You kept it simple and that pays off in a breezy read that’s easy to follow.  A darkly comic tone centered around a difficult choice - what to do with zombie mum.  Very much that deadpan Brit humour - probably going to divide readers.  Can’t say I felt too much for either character - it’s all very surface level.  Ending was a surprise, though only in its abruptness.  Felt like you wrote yourself into a corner.  Could have done with a bigger twist or something to make it more memorable.  Simple, low-budget though, so one to come back to with a fresh perspective and that’s no bad thing.

Title is skewed right. Should be properly centered? What program are you using?

An orphan on the first page. Don't overdo it.

Why don't you identify the voice? You've already told us it's Rich.

"Ok" is always "okay" in screenplays.

Mum? Brit?

Quoted Text Her iris’ [irises are] a cloudy yellow colour.

Very poorly written. And on the second page! Not a good start.

TVs today are assumed to be widescreen HDTVs because they're so common. Now, a CRT tube TV from "the good ole days," that would need to be specified.

Mum. Colour. Telly. Obviously a Brit. I'm expecting some Monty Python-type humor. Bring on some John Cleese!

DVD? Haven't these "blokes" upgraded to Blu-ray yet? Their sound system is probably shit, too; probably just the TV's built-in "speakers." At least they appreciate physical media.

"You're lucky she's half[-]dead."

"ever-so-slight chuckle."

You did the insert and BACK TO SCENE correctly. Good job.

"penning them?" Like with a pen? Had to Google this.

I'd cap those O.S. sound effects. I used to think capped SFX were pointless in a spec, but they've grown on me.

[quote]Two bodies [s]lie[/s[ [lay on] either side of him. Mum and Rich./quote]

A person lies. A dead body lays.

For the most part, not bad. Nice title and logline. Satisfies the apocalypse theme.

Like your logline and title.

About spit my coke out laughing when Harry says, "Tea?"

Ok that was a fun read. I love the ending as well. It was sort of easy to figure things out but I chuckled at points through it and like your characters. Your dialogue was well written.

Great job.

Life Or Death - Apocalypse, Dramedy, Horror - At a family get together during the zombie apocalypse, two brothers must decide what needs to be done with their elderly, undead mother.  

Rating: 2
Thoughts: This one has potential.  I just needed to know a little more about the mother.  Was she a bitch?  A chatterbox?  Typical nagging mom?  It feels like her personality would play a big role in whether this short worked or not.


TITLE: Life Or Death

STORY

Concept is fresh/and or original - 5

Theme is well executed/interweaved - 5

Stakes are clear/conflict is strong and or compelling - 5

Story - 3

Ending - 5

CHARACTER/DIALOGUE

Protagonist(s) is (are) likable and/or compelling - 4

Dialogue reads naturally/believable within this story - 4

Dialogue reveals character -  3

READABILITY

Action text "shows" instead of "tells" - 4

Overall readability - 4

Toal: 4.2