Certainly is both different and topical from two different perspectives.  Thought it got to be a little bit over the top but can appreciate what you were going for here.  I thought you were going in a different direction with this and you certainly did a major twist.  So good effort here and best of luck with it.

Gary

Hi writer,

That was dark, disturbing, and filled with double despair. I thought it was a comedy in the vein of ‘Throw Mama from the Train’ type characters at first, but it turned out to be an Italian soap opera on crack.

Slippery slope trying to capture all those nuances in an audio format, the glove box opening etc. Gunshots are obvious, but this may be too wild and woolly to snare it all as a script just communicating via cellphones, with all that action and scene changes that is. I dig the effort put into it though.

Combining the pandemic and a mass shooting should sound ridiculous, but it doesn’t. Actually, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened in real life. So good job.

Man, another emotional piece... I don't care nearly as much about entertaining.  And it was.

Give the parameters, I see what you went from zero to sixty in a matter seconds. I thought you did pretty good with what you had to work with, but the deal with Johnny going beserk - almost seem to come out of left field. When all is said and done I'd seriously consider going back and turning it into a regular short...a few more pages at least.

Enjoyed it a lot.  All the best,

Ghost

Another timely piece. This has elements of both the pandemic and mass shootings. Very well done.

I have to say the frenetic energy of this is what makes it work. This isn't a predetermined mass shooting, it had the urgency of someone who can hear his mother taking presumably her last breaths and is desperate to get to her as fast as possible. He has the means to do it and she challenges his will to do it, and that's the kicker, she raised him to do just this, to take action and not let anyone stand in his way. And when it's clear he's too late he takes it out on everyone around him...and that's the world we live in.

So yeah, this works for me. It isn't visual, it all works with sound. It would work just as well with minimal visuals, like just in the mother's room not even looking at anything, maybe just a get well card or a photo of the shooter or something and hearing it all in the background and over the phone.

I like it. Great job.

Hey I guessed you out! And it was the best script for me in this challenge too.

Quoted from khamanna Hey I guessed you out! And it was the best script for me in this challenge too.

Thanks, Kham, I appreciate that. And thanks to all for your comments.

This did about as well as could be expected.