I see what you did there. I had a very similar idea based on a short story I wrote twenty years ago (God...is it actually twenty-five?) and was going to write it, but it has a different story and needed visuals to be effective.

Oxygen deprivation is carte blanche for having fun with someone going out of their mind. The song, the repetition of events leading to her end, the lines blurred between hallucination and reality. It also makes for a confusing mess of a story if someone doesn't know what's happening, if that is what's happening here. It helps to spell it out at some point, even in these final moments.

Nice character from her, good non-visual descriptions. Well done.

Maybe I'm not very bright but I don't know what "COMMS" mean.

And two out of three of your characters start with C. Then you have Comms which also start with C. So, now the character names are all visually blended for me.

I don't see much story in here. Just wish it was more. And the dialog could be more engaging as well I think.

Quoted from khamanna Maybe I'm not very bright but I don't know what "COMMS" mean. And two out of three of your characters start with C. Then you have Comms which also start with C. So, now the character names are all visually blended for me. I don't see much story in here. Just wish it was more. And the dialog could be more engaging as well I think.

It just means they are talking over the communications system.

No my entry, just clarifying

I liked the comedy, but couldn't get into the situation. Don't think I got the looping bit either (if that's what it is... and if it's not, then I still didn't get it.)

The comedy was very good though. Good luck.

Ya' had me until the end. What's with the repeat in dialog? You implying some kind of time loop? Writing is great. You met the challenge. But unfortunately, you just didn't stick the landing. Solid effort here that could use some clarity.

A story about a doomed astronaut has potential, but Commander Goodwin doesn’t do anything to get herself out of a bad spot except keep asking Control to give her permission to change trajectory, then begs for them to come get her. She’s way too passive for anyone to really care what happens to her.

Writer,

Genre says sci-fi, but kinda thought comedy here, as well. Seemed like it was trying to be, or maybe had some inadvertant comedy. That said, I don't think that's what you were going for, which kind of leaves this one up in the air for me. Didn't feel complete, and felt rushed.

Steve

Some quick thoughts:

If the reason for the Captain's confusion is from low oxygen levels, then Rene's appraisal of your work is spot on. That makes the most sense, but if we're totally off base, then I'm afraid I'm adrift at sea.

Big sci-fi fan here -- so I like most of it, but some clarity may be warranted. Hope the writer chimes in.

All the best,

Ghost

Apologies for the head scratcher lol

Rene gets me