I kinda liked the build-up, wondering where is this going? But when it neared the punchline, and I've heard it before, it just fell flat.

I don't mind gags in scripts, even if I've heard them... but only as incidental to the main story. To write a whole script around a gag... hmmm... it would need to be an amazing joke, and totally original.

Still, not a bad effort with the writing. Good luck.

Short and sweet. Good opening lines. Not resonating with me for some reason.

My my my. And my.

Quoted Text OFFICER MCCANN Dispatch, I need to doublecheck if I can arrest someone for their thoughts?

LMAO. That is hilarious. This was worth reading just for this alone.

But you too, me thinks a better punchline is needed. It's a short so you're allowed to have a tomato surprise ending, but it has to be fresh tomato. Even a green tomato would work. Claudio had a nice suggestion. That said,  I enjoyed the read nonetheless. Best of irish luck with it.-A
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I liked it. And I’m not proud of it.

Writer,

Comedy did not work for me. The officer's talking about the thoughts of the suspect, but it's really his actual language that seems to be the issue, not his thoughts. Glad the officer gave the man a piece of his mind, but it doesn't translate to the comedy you were angling for. In short, nice try, but it doesn't work.

Steve

Not much here really. It's like a joke but the punchline didn't land well, it kind of fizzled. I hope it was fun to write at least, it seems like it was.

Cheers for the feedback everyone.

This is an odd one.

I've never heard this mentioned as a joke.  I have however worked with a police officer who was asked this question.  I thought it was brilliant.  Always wanted to use it.  Seems like life imitating art.  Or some chap copying the joke.

I doubt I'll rewrite this one.