Drink Canada Dry by Anonymous - With the Day of Reckoning at hand, two young lovers find themselves facing what may be, the end of humanity. Will they have the stomach for it?  Short, Comedy

Very clever and it hits all the marks for the OWC requirements. A bit overwritten and directive but editing talent will come with time, for sure. The non-linear timeline works for this and is, for the most part, easy to follow.

Well done, writer. Very creative.

Hello.

The back-and-forth was a little confusing, but I loved the comedic ending. I could easily see this as an animated short.

Little bit tenuous the relationship between the religious zealot, the elderly woman, and the link with the good deed. You perhaps could have had the Zealot in the supermarket and cut out the middle-man - woman in this case.

RETURN  TO  CAR  INTERIOR
Formatting is off in spots and Flashbacks are iffy, but never mind.

Entertaining and amusing, regardless of quibles.
What's his superhero moniker? That was the only thing missing for me. Insatiable Man? Bottomless Pit Man? Straw Man?  

Your title works well.

Happy Easter

My first read, and we open with "We open"  Unnecessary and a very blocky opening action/description.

By the End of page 3 could all have been tightened up into 2 pages at most.
A lot of passive writing.
Drop the "We" We see, we move, we approach.

Supermarket - earlier  

I think you mean a flashback.

I had to reread it a few times. Very overwritten, but that's the pressure of the OWC. You can go back and tighten it up after.

Overall the story was good. I was wondering what the supermarket scene was about, hoping it was going somewhere.

Decent entry. Good job

The payoff is excellent, very clever. You definitely hit the mark on this one. I will think about this whenever I drink a beverage from Canada Dry. Because this is a comedy, it would help to add a few more moments of levity earlier in the script. That way, the ending would not be our first real comedic moment.

A few typos (jambs, should be jams) and some capitalising that feels out of place and a lot of 'we's' but script still clicks along just fine.

Kinda reads like it is meant to be in the US but I think this might be a Brit writer.

The swithching back and forth between timelines is handled well and is easy to follow and the humour is good throughout.

I guess my only gripe is that the sort non-specific water threat and the punchline ending didn't quite work for me.

Good effort

I have to say that of all the super powers everyone has presented here, this would be my pick:  eating and drinking anything you want without gaining weight!  Also, I'm embarrassed that I read the entire thing waiting for him to open and drink a bottle of "Canada Dry" and then it ended...before it finally hit me...duh!  Witty title and a creative story.  There were a few typos and some of the directive was a little busy, but all easily fixable.  I have to say, that I will probably think of this story the next time I open a bottle of ginger ale (diet of course).  Dang I wish I had that super power.  Thanks for sharing and good luck with this!

The ending sort of hit the mark for me but before it came I had to go back several times and reread.
I know it's formatting. And it shouldn't matter but it does in this one.
Also, I feel like you could cut a lot of prose and dialog.
In fact, it if you skip a lot in the middle - from an introduction to page 4 where he helps the old woman - to a homeless, to the ending - it will all make sense and be the same only in a more concise form. Otherwise they keep saying - the end is near, it's the end... in different words, but same thing for very long.
Good work but needs some refining

Hi Writer

Really like the story. The way you chose to present it with the back and forth of the timeline really works and fits the story perfectly.

From the first few pages I didn't realize this was a comedy, all that seemed to come later in the script. And with that comedic ending, I would look at the tone you present throughout and keep it consistent.

Love the visual ending of this dude waiting to drink a massive flood because of some crazy dude he met at the supermarket. But the way it's presented (comedy or not) I had a hard time swallowing that he believed he could do it because the Zealot said "Your wish is granted".
I would have liked something to have happened to him in that moment to truly make him believe.

The writing needs a lot of work, and the way you present the visuals and big moments, but love the story.

All the best

Writer,

I was almost about to call you out on a parameter formalities until you went back to EARLIER THAT DAY mode. Very good. I enjoyed the writing here. Very insistent and tension-filled. I also liked that his chosen superpower was something he said mindlessly, and chosen for him. That guy’s gonna take a helluva piss later on though! Nice work!

Steve

Drink Canada Dry. I completely missed the double entendre until the very end. Nice comedic play on words.
Also I wondered about the background of the religious zealot who it turned out to the little old lady's son. Some further development would have helped me understand how he became the one who was empowered to supply Clayton's gift?

A few formatting issues that have already been mentioned and that you can fix later.
It was an amusing and at times a funny story that flowed quite well and was an enjoyable read.
Glad you got it in.  I'm looking forward to more scripts from you.
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Glad you got it in.

Writer,

I have, it's not bad soda. You could definitely split up some of those paragraphs. No need for the
cut to's. Got a few of those religious Zealots running around our parts.

I question some of your parentheticals. Don't think they're warranted here. Some nice interaction between Sarah and Clayton.

Found it mildly amusing, nothing laugh-out-loud. It's a nice tale, but you could have told it in less time.  All the best.

Ghost