Somebody Help Philip! by Phil Rizzuto - Rescuing a fallen old man leads Jeff to weird places.  Short, Drama

At first I wondered why Goran had a sly smile and what he wanted at the beginning but in the end it all made sense.

You created quite some tension there. I was invested to see what it's all about. I really enjoyed what happened at the end. Surely we are to see what Jeff's choice is and what Goran was talking about.  Too bad you didn't disclose that. I enjoyed Jeff's last words though.

Philips actions were strange.

The dialog at places was very funny. I think it's more on comedic side rather than drama. Unless there's a more to Jeff, but he doesn't strike me as someone with dramatic garb. At places the dialog sounded matter-of-factly.

Overall I enjoyed it. And clean writing too.
Nice job

Hello.

It's nice that Jeff chose to spread kindness at the end. The nuclear threat did not seem very urgent or imminent. With a longer script, that part of the story could have been developed more.

Somebody help me! Very well written but, dang, I'm lost. What was the superpower given to Jeff? Is spreading kindness a superpower? Will spreading kindness in the night stop the madman and the nuclear holocaust? Jeff's good deed, although cleverly crafted, took almost nine pages which didn't leave much room to meet the other two requirements.

I must say that it was well written, so good job!

Wow, the end of the world parameter was shoehorned in at the last minute, wasn't it.

Crazy good stuff before it but I'm not sure the pieces add up to a whole.

Creative and entertaining, but kindness ain't going to save the world against nukes. Or is it?

Who knows, maybe part 2 is coming...
Jeff Looper, cousin of Joe.

I'm not even half was through reading all the entries, but so far this may be my fave.  I love the take on "we may be entertaining angels unawares".  I wasn't expecting the good guy to be the hero - nice twist with the way that was done.  Good question that Libby poses above:  Can kindness save the world?  At least we can hope...nothing else seems to be working.  Really good job with this entry - fun to read with a good moral.  Thanks for sharing and good luck!

I liked how this started and the middle.

The interactions between Jeff and Philip were good and I felt we were getting to understand the characters.

The the ending happened, and well I don't know... felt like maybe you ran out of time or pages.

Good effort.

It was like you got to page 9 and then remembered you were writing an OWC and there were parameters.
It was well written but apparently you can stop a nuclear war with kindness???

You just packed it all in the last page but besides that the script itself was very touching

Writer,

I can’t help but think if the choices given meant more than what was said — personal eternal paradise or live into the hearts of the depraved. Interesting. Anyway, I really think this would have worked better had you not spent as much time as you did on the set-up and given us more of a glimpse into this madman who threatens the world. I guess it was your intention to do it this way, but just seems to me mid way through the tone could have shifted to what Jeff was going to choose, and why, and how he was going to use the power.

Overall, a decent script that could have used a better resolution.

Steve

Hi,

When I saw the theme of this OWC,  I decided to write more scenes about gaining and using superpower. No. 2 is saving the world and then helping a person.  Why?  Because gaining and using a superpower is more dramatic than saving the world, not to mention helping a person.

This script was different. You spent more time on Jeff helping Philip, which took up 8 pages.  I don't  mean you're wrong. It's your choice.  

I suggest you add more dramatic elements to the scenes, which were not dramatic enough.

Hope this helps

Michael

Hi writer

It's not listed as a comedy, but I found it very comedic and really enjoyed the read.

Your writing is great, the characters are authentic and real. The situation comedy was spot on.

The ending didn't fit the rest, and after the challenge I would cut out the super power/end of the world parameters of this script altogether and go for something a little more wholesome and expand on Jeff a little more.

Great work

Best of luck

I did enjoy the banter between Phillip and Jeff. I liked that Phillip was still determined to take care of his dogs waste (wife and I know that drill), with Jeff being the voice of reason at that moment and telling him to 'forget about the shit'.

As others have said, seems the parameters got covered at the end but perhaps could have had room to do so if the lead up with Jeff and Phil hadn't been so drawn out.

Keep writing.

Writer,

Maybe the genre should have been a Dramedy.

FWIW... this was a mixed bag for me. While I enjoyed most of this I'm with the majority when it comes to the ending. Well-written. Some chuckles.  Dialogue was pretty good. Thanks for the entertaining read.

Ghost

Hi writer. Great script that I enjoyed reading. I picked up early on that Jeff was the power because he was the first to offer Philip a helping hand. The arrival of Goran was a red herring at first. You spent time trying to make him a person who also wanted to help Phillip. But in the end we see that Jeff is the real source power given by Goran.

A very cleverly written script that I enjoyed. Id love to see this in film form. I bet it would appear as a comedy since you did have some funny lines.

But this was a good read for me. Glad that you got it in.