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Edit: I believe my original post was a little too harsh and not really that constructive either, sorry about that. I'll try and be a little more in depth about my thoughts on this. All completely subjective, as usual.
The short felt very fragmented to me and none of it really made sense, so maybe a few of the fragments are missing. One of the things I found confusing was the genre, it's listed as a drama, but the closest thing I'd associate it to is surreal comedy. It feels like a bunch of jokes thrown together into mush with no real story behind it. The protagonist's flirting with the smoking woman made some sense, but how the weirdness with the mom, the short skirted girls, the puking woman and well... the elevator fit in here... I'm simply at a loss. I'm going to throw up a question mark on whether this is a pisser. Sorry, not for me.
I think the writer was going for that "surreal" feel, I didn't really get much from this either way.
It's a confused piece IMO, what's the significance of him racing the woman down to the bottom? What is the purpose, the point of the end... where she trots off without giving her number?
I didn't see any point in this.
It started off as like, maybe a type of comedy vibe? Every-time the elevator opens there's someone in the elevator being a pain... but why? There's nothing here, perhaps there is something hidden but I didn't find it.
A few typos here and there but no big deal.
Guess it's the story of an unlucky bloke, that's all I got.
First page was going well. The end of that page made me wonder if I'd continue, as it felt a bit too much too soon. But I persevered. As I'm a stubborn git.
It reminded me of that French thing with Kylie Minogue in it. If I was smarter I could pretend I know the title. But I'm not, so I'm going to look it up on the thing that passes for my memory these days.
Back now. It was Holy Motors. Not the type of title easily remembered. I've forgotten it again already.
That too had seemingly random encounters that critics saw as metaphorical. It being a French film helped this enormously. I watched it, and I'm for metaphor, well, sometimes. All I saw was a French bloke driving round in a car to locations that didn't seem to connect. I was very glad when it was over.
There's a similar problem here. Maybe there's some bigger thing going on I didn't pick up on. But if you have to work hard to pick it up when you read it, or be told what it means then it isn't quite doing its job.
There is a stacking issue late in the script, where the space between lines are crammed together. Other than that, no format problems jump out during the read. No spelling errors. No grammar errors. Everything looks ship-shape.
I didn't get it. The punker girls, the sick vomit woman, "mom" and others just pop in and out randomly. Perhaps it is the main character's phobia at work. Maybe not - hey, who wants to stand in or around vomit and/or a sick lady? Perhaps these characters who are never seen or heard from again (let alone the vomit) were part of his bad experiences on elevators? The one good time was when he meets the Smoking Woman and she races him to the lobby. But she loses the bet, and renigs on her part. Thus there is no point to the story. Unless I really missed something.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Inoffensive little tale. Offbeat style of humour -- surreal in places, though the mother felt like one curveball too many. Had a certain feel to it, no disrespect to the writer but it felt like it was written on the spot with little by way of clear goal or reason. I enjoyed the back and forth between Don and the Smoking Woman, had a charm about it. More I think about it, more I like the idea of this guy being afraid of elevators -- it just didn’t quite capitalise on the idea.
A couple typos to clean up, but an otherwise oddly engaging idea. Just not taken far enough to be memorable.
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Page 2 and I'm starting to think these obstacles are in Don's head, which would make the little girls in short skirts rather disturbing...
It was sort of interesting, but mostly because I didn't understand all of it. Whenever I don't get something, my interest is peaked, just because I want to know.
I disagree with Dustin that this would be easy to film. Not that it's hard to film what's there. I'm thinking more along the lines of getting 6-10 year old girls in short skirts...
IMHO, this one could actually be turned into something good if these people in the elevator are thoughts in Don's head that he struggles with. Mother issues. Attracted to way too young girls, but obviously knowing that's wrong and so on.
Not bad, but needs depth for things to make sense.