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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May, 2020 Challenge  ›  The Essentials - May OWC - Directory Query Moderators: Administrator
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PKCardinal
Posted: May 18th, 2020, 3:12pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this script.

Obviously, the whole thing hinges on the twist(s). And, for the most part, it worked. I REALLY enjoyed the first one. But, it was less effective the second time.

But, I do like the underlying idea that EVERYONE is living on the edge right now.

Well done.


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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Arundel
Posted: May 18th, 2020, 5:00pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed how this one picked up on a character and then went with him until another character was introduced, followed him, and so on. Felt bad for the poor sods, hehe, but good transition devices.
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khamanna
Posted: May 18th, 2020, 5:08pm Report to Moderator
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It's well written.
The plot is pretty intricate but not for me.
conveniently all thiefs met at the same time and same place. It's just a bit much for me.
But I went through comments and see that people really like it.
So, don't mind me, I'm the minority here.
Still it's good for what it is as the writing and pacing is all there.
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: May 19th, 2020, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
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There are a few things to really like about this Script. The writer knows their stuff.

I like the essentials angle - and what it throws up

I like the dynamic

I like that people do what they have to do to get buy

And in effect, that’s the message. In shit times, do what you can do - trust nobody etc

But perhaps that’s is the weakness - one dimension. Characters  come and go, and we don’t have time to care for them.

This has potential, but for me I could do with seeing the story lines cross over, confuse the scenario - eg the taxi driver, and the grocer or gun man were connected etc etc

Good work for the week





My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Spqr
Posted: May 19th, 2020, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
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I buy that the pandemic is driving some people to do desperate things to feed their family, but the complete breakdown of social norms illustrated in this story requires, I think, some foundation building in the story's opening. Perhaps news reports of mass rioting, government breakdowns, or a deadlier mutation of the cornavirus. In any event, I think the story would be stronger if you concentrate on the actions of the Taxi Driver.  Maybe he spots the Masked Robbers committing their crime and decides to rip them off. He ends up killing them, but the lowlifes get what they deserved, and his family gets fed.
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 20th, 2020, 6:12am Report to Moderator
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Well written, the writer knows their stuff. You makes a simple twist of fate and instant justice story flow off the page flawlessly.

I just don't quite buy this sudden deterioration into a world where there are so many armed robbers going on the rampage they end up bumping into each other on the job and bumping each other off. You just need to set this world up somehow so we buy into it more.

An excellent entry though.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: May 23rd, 2020, 4:31pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Michael,

Read this. Liked it. No other complaints except for some misspellings but it looks like it didn’t affect the director’s interest in the script. Lol. Good luck and congrats. Keep us posted on its progress.

Gabe
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spesh2k
Posted: May 23rd, 2020, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
Hey Michael,

Read this. Liked it. No other complaints except for some misspellings but it looks like it didn�t affect the director�s interest in the script. Lol. Good luck and congrats. Keep us posted on its progress.

Gabe


Thanks, man. I really threw this one together pretty quickly, as I'm sure everyone else did with their's. Had somewhat of an idea for a premise but kinda just freestyled the actual script, spent maybe a half hour on it before submitting. Didn't get a chance to look through it until I already submitted and caught a lot of typos. I could tell the writing was rushed.

But I'm glad a director is interested. I knew that I wanted to get across the desperation -- I'd be lying if I hadn't thought about knocking off a grocery store at least once or twice during all of this lol... being out of work sucks. But, yeah, there's something menacing about going into a bodega late at night in the South Bronx and everybody's wearing masks... which is why I never liked Halloween in this neighborhood lol.

-- Michael


MY FEATURE FILMS:

THE SUICIDE THEORY (79% Rotten Tomato Score, Available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Youtube, etc) - https://youtu.be/5eaXXOKJvtg

RAGE (coming late 2020/early 2021) - https://vimeo.com/402447622

Check out my latest horror script, HONEY MUSTARD - https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-horror/m-1585433547/
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: May 23rd, 2020, 5:08pm Report to Moderator
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What about Washington Heights. Lol. Forget bodega how about a bank. Lmao.

We’ll get back to some sort of normalcy soon.

Gabe
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spesh2k
Posted: May 23rd, 2020, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
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Anywhere past 125th street after midnight lol.

Hoping we get back to normalcy sooner than later, dude.

-- Michael


MY FEATURE FILMS:

THE SUICIDE THEORY (79% Rotten Tomato Score, Available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Youtube, etc) - https://youtu.be/5eaXXOKJvtg

RAGE (coming late 2020/early 2021) - https://vimeo.com/402447622

Check out my latest horror script, HONEY MUSTARD - https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-horror/m-1585433547/
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Dreamscale
Posted: May 24th, 2020, 10:36am Report to Moderator
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I'm trying to finish up on the scripts I didn't get to.

So, we know Howard is in his late 40's, but we have no clue how old Darlene is, but she's breast feeding a baby, which seems rather odd for the wife of a guy nearing 50.

OK, no need for notes, I read it.

It has the vibe of a Tarantino story, moving from character to character, all of which die at the hands of people who are even worse than they are.

Although I like what you went for here, I also don't buy it for a second...or maybe I'm so far removed from what life is/could be like in the rough parts of the inner city.

It's too over the top for me, but it's definitely a job well done.

****


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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spesh2k
Posted: May 24th, 2020, 12:24pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
I'm trying to finish up on the scripts I didn't get to.

So, we know Howard is in his late 40's, but we have no clue how old Darlene is, but she's breast feeding a baby, which seems rather odd for the wife of a guy nearing 50.

OK, no need for notes, I read it.

It has the vibe of a Tarantino story, moving from character to character, all of which die at the hands of people who are even worse than they are.

Although I like what you went for here, I also don't buy it for a second...or maybe I'm so far removed from what life is/could be like in the rough parts of the inner city.

It's too over the top for me, but it's definitely a job well done.


Thanks for reading. I kinda rushed through this really quickly, definitely should've given Darlene an age. I kinda just started writing with no game plan -- I really thought that the Cameron and Howard characters would be the main characters going in, which is why I named them and not the masked robbers -- looking back, I probably should've given them names, too, for consistency.

Inner city's not really that bad, at least where I am, I just felt like something bad should happen to the two robbers and that's what I came up with off the top of my head. Might consider giving it a rewrite to smooth things out a bit, give it more thought.

Thanks!

-- Michael


MY FEATURE FILMS:

THE SUICIDE THEORY (79% Rotten Tomato Score, Available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Youtube, etc) - https://youtu.be/5eaXXOKJvtg

RAGE (coming late 2020/early 2021) - https://vimeo.com/402447622

Check out my latest horror script, HONEY MUSTARD - https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-horror/m-1585433547/
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Dreamscale
Posted: May 24th, 2020, 12:28pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Quoted from spesh2k


Thanks for reading. I kinda rushed through this really quickly, definitely should've given Darlene an age. I kinda just started writing with no game plan -- I really thought that the Cameron and Howard characters would be the main characters going in, which is why I named them and not the masked robbers -- looking back, I probably should've given them names, too, for consistency.

Inner city's not really that bad, at least where I am, I just felt like something bad should happen to the two robbers and that's what I came up with off the top of my head. Might consider giving it a rewrite to smooth things out a bit, give it more thought.

Thanks!

-- Michael


For a quick rush job, this is well done.  Yeah, clean it up a bit, give us names and ages, and you're good to go.  The vibe is what it is and it's effective.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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spesh2k
Posted: May 27th, 2020, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
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I'm very proud to announce that "The Essentials" has been picked up by Rocque Pictures Ltd, Kenya. This will be my 2nd produced film in a foreign language (both this year) and my 5th foreign film (both my feature films, award-winning "The Suicide Theory" and "Rage", are Australian productions, as is my award-nominated horror short, "The Dead Guy in the Trunk").

The film will be directed by accomplished Kenyan director, Njue Kevin, who's award-winning feature film, "18 Hours", won the 2018 Best Overall Movie in Africa (AMVCA). This category had never seen a Kenyan film be nominated, and so marked history as the first Kenyan film to be nominated and win in the history of the awards.

Njue became the first Kenyan filmmaker to be listed on the Forbes Africa under 30 list 2019 (Creatives).

Production will begin pretty soon, within the next 4 weeks.

Thanks again to everyone who read and commented. And a special thanks to Simply Scripts for hosting these monthly, one-week challenges. I never would've written it without participating in the challenge, which saw some excellent talent on display and some really great scripts that are much more worthy of being filmed.

Anyway, as cool as it always is to get work produced, I'm still more excited about getting that glorious, super sweet fucking mug in the mail.

-- Michael


MY FEATURE FILMS:

THE SUICIDE THEORY (79% Rotten Tomato Score, Available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Youtube, etc) - https://youtu.be/5eaXXOKJvtg

RAGE (coming late 2020/early 2021) - https://vimeo.com/402447622

Check out my latest horror script, HONEY MUSTARD - https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-horror/m-1585433547/
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JEStaats
Posted: May 27th, 2020, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
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Pretty damn impressive, Michael - Congrats again and best of luck!
~John
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