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Live Bait - May2 (currently 498 views)
ReneC
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 5:25pm
Old Timer
Location Vancouver, BC
Posts 1435
Posts Per Day 0.31
Live bait indeed.
Why did it have to be robotic? Unless that lab was into creating monstrous cyborgs, and there's no hint of that, the robotic lure doesn't make much sense. You should have just made it a mutated angler fish:
https://animalhype.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Angler-Fish-1024x576.jpg Imagine that light as a little girl and weird sounds that vaguely sound like a human drowning, and the rest is just describing the monstrous shape and teeth below. Job done, and it's still sci-fi.
The writing is very good, the ending was a bit flat. I just don't buy the creature, but otherwise this is well done.
Reply: 15 - 21
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 6:12pm
January Project Group
Location UK
Posts 4323
Posts Per Day 1.13
Like the idea here but the way it plays out doesn't quite ring true to me, I think it's the combination of some form of aquatic creature being able to create a very convincing girl robot/hook.
Reply: 16 - 21
MarkD
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 1:34am
Posts 142
Posts Per Day 0.10
Very interesting. This one is more horror than thriller, at least to me.
Reply: 17 - 21
irish eyes
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 6:46pm
January Project Group
There`s too much blood in my alcohol
Location Upstate New York
Posts 1865
Posts Per Day 0.36
Not a bad script kinda knew what was gonna happen.
Reply: 18 - 21
Warren
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 10:26pm
Of The Ancients
A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
Location Sydney, Australia
Posts 3897
Posts Per Day 1.35
Hi writer,
Reply: 19 - 21
mmmarnie
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 5:32pm
January Project Group
Posts 1085
Posts Per Day 0.22
So is this girl a result of whatever that lab was? Hmm. A 7 year old mutant girl who lives underwater? Creepy for sure but maybe a bit of a backstory is needed there...like they experimented on kids or something. A huge, mutant, 3-eyed fish I can see. Just not sure how or why the girl is there.
boop
Reply: 20 - 21
SAC
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 9:22pm
Of The Ancients
… but some dreams do
Location Upstate NY
Posts 3208
Posts Per Day 0.78
Well, at least this one didn’t suck as bad as my round one script.
Reply: 21 - 21
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Live Bait - May2
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