Hi Writer

I dislike the opening conversations that are a little OTN but also to try and force us to feel something for their characters and their relationship, it's not organically intertwined with the plot.

Debris falling from the sky, out of left field but I can deal with it.

This should be absolutely yanking on my heart strings - but it's not. You really need to build up the emotion in this and make us feel for this guys dilemma (They are also quick to jump back to the present instead of relishing in the last few moments her gets to spend with his dad)

The idea is deffo worth exploring but lots of room for improvement in the execution

I liked it. The sentimentality, the suddenness of the death and the ending.
Well written and nice visuals.
Well done

I like the idea behind this and the writing is decent...

But the logic of the time jumping needs more explanation, as it is it feels weirdly random and at the same time super convenient.

Decent effort

Beautifully and vividly written.

The explosion of white light works well to segue into the different time jumps.

ERIN
I truly can’t wait, Mike.
I'd personally leave the name off at the end there.

Perhaps in a slightly longer edit you could add another layer of conflict/subtext?

A few tweaks I think this'd come off very nicely on film.

First couple pages were good, except maybe some OTN dialog, but the pacing for the last 2 pages was way off. Rushed to the point where I had no idea what was going on. How would Geoff know so quickly that Mike had to go back alone??

This needs more pages for it to be fleshed out.

Hey, Warren. Good stuff here, Dude. I like the concept, but it feels a little held back by the page length. Definitely think the emotional beats would hit better with a few more pages to build up Mike and Geoff's relationship.

Only other complaint I got is that I don't particularly like the title. It's kinda blah.

Still, excellent writing with some great visuals. Neally cool concept with the time-traveling artifact.