I appreciate the effort to make the characters authentic and they certainly sounded it.

You could see where the story was heading and then it just ended without an ending as you ran out of pages. Reads like the first scene of a longer concept, maybe a TV pilot. Worth working on some more to see if you could flesh this out.

Quoted from ReneC Go ahead and google that.

Haha!

Hi Writer

I quite like the pair of numskulls you created. Although there is a lot of confusion in the story for me.
Don't think you need all that talk of Renee's demands in the beginning. I quite like the idea of the ashes and cocaine getting mixed up though, but I am not entirely sure what they are doing.
Why would she stash some drugs in a funeral home, to then smuggle them out? (Presumably in the urn, is that why they are emptying it?)
Why are they even in a funeral home for a dead dog? is that a thing?

Quoted Text They freeze, look at each other. Cass mouths the words: YOU DIDN’T LOCK THE DOOR? Spence mouths back: THERE’S NO LOCK!

This is the wrong way around  - Cas was the last one to walk in the room, she should have been the one to try and lock it.

Sloppy execution so I am assuming a last-minute entry. Well done on the memorable characters though.

Best of luck

I'm struggling to understand this one, the story, the humour and even the premise. Read it a couple of times to try and get to grips with it but having no joy. On the plus side you managed to cobble together some sort of story and submitted it so well done for getting this in.

Sloppy writing distracted me quite a bit, and none of the comedy really landed with me. Good news is that comedy is subjective and it could just be me.

Good effort to get something into round 2.

Well this is a bit uneven, funny in places and yet confusing in others.

And I'm not really sure this need setting in a funeral home?

Decent effort

Cold open? Did that ever end?

The wave urn description hurt my head.

So this wasn't for me personally, but I recognize it as a decent effort.