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Honor Thy Father - May2 (currently 335 views)
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 5:10pm
January Project Group
Location UK
Posts 4323
Posts Per Day 1.13
This had me until the OTT last bit, but a decent effort. On a technical note, the years 1985 and 2000 should be SUPER: 1985/2000 rather than in the slugline.
Reply: 15 - 24
MarkD
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 1:24am
Posts 142
Posts Per Day 0.10
I enjoyed how so over-the-top this is. Great job, writer.
Reply: 16 - 24
Matthew Taylor
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 5:45am
January Project Group
Location Shakespeare's county
Posts 1770
Posts Per Day 0.88
I'm not one for toilet humour, so I am not the audience for this. Still, I can appreciate the great writing on display and I can see how others who like this type of comedy would enjoy it. Well done
Feature 42.2 Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it
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Reply: 17 - 24
PKCardinal
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 2:51pm
January Project Group
Location Kansas
Posts 1448
Posts Per Day 0.62
Trivia note: Jimmy Rollins, best known for his years with the Phillies, actually played for the Dodgers in 2015. Not my style of humor, but i can appreciate the writing for the style that it is. Plus, you were limited to the bathroom... so, I can see why you went the direction you did.
PaulKWrites.com60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/FeatureThe Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/FeatureWait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Reply: 18 - 24
irish eyes
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 6:19pm
January Project Group
There`s too much blood in my alcohol
Location Upstate New York
Posts 1865
Posts Per Day 0.36
Woohoo toilet humor!!! It wasn't bad for a comedy not a big "Football" fan. This would be close to a pisstake but comedy is subjective as we always say. Good job on entering just didn't work for me
Reply: 19 - 24
SAC
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 9:00pm
Of The Ancients
… but some dreams do
Location Upstate NY
Posts 3208
Posts Per Day 0.78
Writer, I had to delete my original post when I realized it was for the wrong script! Sorry. So, this is what it must be like reading one of my scripts, seeing as I have a penchant for crude, toilet humor! Anyway, of course, I liked it. Very silly, yes, but still funny in some spots. Decent marks from me. Steve
Reply: 20 - 24
Warren
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 10:40pm
Of The Ancients
A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
Location Sydney, Australia
Posts 3897
Posts Per Day 1.35
Hi writer,
That's how uninterested I am in sports, I don't even know what game we are talking about by just the team names
Yeesh, I'm not the audience for this in any way.
Congrats on getting an entry in.
All the best.
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Reply: 21 - 24
Cacutshaw
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 10:48pm
January Project Group
Posts 177
Posts Per Day 0.07
This might do well in Germany. Granted, if I was watching this, I'd probably be impressed with the writer's gusto for using excrement.
Reply: 22 - 24
FrankM
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 2:47am
January Project Group
Location Between Chair and Keyboard
Posts 1447
Posts Per Day 0.62
The boys' dialog is OTN, but that's understandable in an early draft. Really curious why these scenes are in 1985 and 2000. Impressive spell, but it'd suffice to use a wrylie (in Latin with subtitles). Took a while to get started, but I can see the fight turning into a some good slapstick. Good job!
Reply: 23 - 24
mmmarnie
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 4:55pm
January Project Group
Posts 1085
Posts Per Day 0.22
Literally toilet humor. Weird there are two scripts with sons bringing Dad's ashes to the ballpark. So, I'm not your audience. I thought it was gross. LOL Written pretty well and you ticked all the boxes so I won't let my personal taste cloud the score. But...ewww.
boop
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Reply: 24 - 24
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