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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The May 2021 Challenge  ›  Honor Thy Father - May2
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  Author    Honor Thy Father - May2  (currently 335 views)
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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This had me until the OTT last bit, but a decent effort.

On a technical note, the years 1985 and 2000 should be SUPER: 1985/2000 rather than in the slugline.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkD
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 1:24am Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed how so over-the-top this is. Great job, writer.
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 5:45am Report to Moderator
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I'm not one for toilet humour, so I am not the audience for this.

Still, I can appreciate the great writing on display and I can see how others who like this type of comedy would enjoy it.

Well done


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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PKCardinal
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 2:51pm Report to Moderator
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Trivia note: Jimmy Rollins, best known for his years with the Phillies, actually played for the Dodgers in 2015.

Not my style of humor, but i can appreciate the writing for the style that it is. Plus, you were limited to the bathroom... so, I can see why you went the direction you did.


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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irish eyes
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 6:19pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Woohoo toilet humor!!!

It wasn't bad for a comedy not a big "Football" fan.

This would be close to a pisstake but comedy is subjective as we always say.

Good job on entering just didn't work for me


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SAC
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 9:00pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Writer,

I had to delete my original post when I realized it was for the wrong script! Sorry.

So, this is what it must be like reading one of my scripts, seeing as I have a penchant for crude, toilet humor! Anyway, of course, I liked it. Very silly, yes, but still funny in some spots. Decent marks from me.

Steve


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Warren
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 10:40pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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Hi writer,

That's how uninterested I am in sports, I don't even know what game we are talking about by just the team names  

Yeesh, I'm not the audience for this in any way.

Congrats on getting an entry in.

All the best.


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Cacutshaw
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 10:48pm Report to Moderator
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This might do well in Germany.

Granted, if I was watching this, I'd probably be impressed with the writer's gusto for using excrement.
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FrankM
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 2:47am Report to Moderator
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The boys' dialog is OTN, but that's understandable in an early draft. Really curious why these scenes are in 1985 and 2000.

Impressive spell, but it'd suffice to use a wrylie (in Latin with subtitles).

Took a while to get started, but I can see the fight turning into a some good slapstick.

Good job!


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
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mmmarnie
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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Literally toilet humor. Weird there are two scripts with sons bringing Dad's ashes to the ballpark.

So, I'm not your audience. I thought it was gross. LOL

Written pretty well and you ticked all the boxes so I won't let my personal taste cloud the score. But...ewww.


boop
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