Honor Thy Father by Todd Robinson - To fulfill their father's last wish, two Giants fans embark on a mission to sneak into Dodgers stadium and curse the plumbing.  Location: Public Bathroom. Object: Urn of ashes.   Short, Comedy

Just a bit too much for me.

Look - great core premise.  Boys are going to honor Dad's final wish by dumping (literally) his ashes at the stadium.

IMO - the feces storm kind of blows it here - just too over the top. Could just be my taste.

Though a Giants fan would be loony enough to concoct such a shitty plan, this script comes up short in the humor department. Not to mention how expensive it would be to flood a bathroom with "sewer soup." And it's just not ambitious enough for a man who hates the Dodgers so much to be satisfied with just flooding a single bathroom. He would've wanted every can in the stadium to explode with fresh fertilizer. And you wouldn't even have to see any of it happening. The guys could've run out of the bathroom and listen to the announcer talking about the horrible brown tide washing over the green field. Now that's a curse.

Same as Dave, as you had me up until the raining shit part. Not that I'm all that squeamish or anything, just doesn't make sense that they'd be happy to get shat on like that.

Decent enough writing though.

Good luck.

Well written and put together, but just not my bag. It didn't make me laugh, which isn't to say it's not funny. Just not really to my taste.

I couldn't quite fathom why they were set this challenge in the will? Like, wanting to shit over the sporting foe I get, but why this specific gesture.

I just found myself unsure about the motivation, and fundamentally didn't connect with the script. Again, that's probably just my taste.

This was well written,  I like the hijinks of a last wish with the concept. Like the others said Think you'd blow the entire budget on the flooding of the bathroom, not exactly low budget.  I was hoping it'd have a more interesting ending, but it works for what it is. Overall I liked it.

I loved this lol. Definitely not low budget, but it made me laugh a lot. This is my kinda humor.

-- Michael

I like the last wish aspect and it being a baseball curse thing made it unique. For some reason, it just didn't make me laugh. Well-written though.

Ha! This one is pretty gross, but still fun. Excellent premise. I enjoyed it. Made me laugh. lol

Funny stuff! Good work.

There's an audience for toilet humour, it's just not me.
I didn't even like that famous scene in Bridesmaids...

I found this the other day...

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/may/02/mlb-ballpark-toilet-ashes-tom-mcdonald-roy-riegel

The sentimental route was obviously not for you.

A unique entry.  

The second script in a row I've read that uses the ashes of their father in a baseball vendetta! Fancy that.

Faeces, like comedy, is subjective. Some love it, some don't.  This one didn't land with me in either aspect but I think it's a question of personal taste and there was nothing wrong with the writing.

Loved it, well written, worked for me. Nice job!

Nicely written and literally toilet humour. It had a couple of funny visual moments that made me smile but no big laughs.
Well done.

Apparently the apples didn't fall too far from that tree. Funny in places but middle of the road of all the public restroom/urn entries.

Good work, writer.

Love the logline, not sure the story followed through.  Parameters are there but the toilet humour was a miss for me - leans too heavily into gross out territory.  That’s subjective though, so take with a dose of salt.

Do you need the 80s set-up?  A bit jarring given the short length and I don’t think it adds anything that couldn’t be worked into the present.

That said, I really do like the idea of two fans using their father’s ashes to curse a rival stadium, just the execution was a little too OTT for me with a budget to boot.

This had me until the OTT last bit, but a decent effort.

On a technical note, the years 1985 and 2000 should be SUPER: 1985/2000 rather than in the slugline.

I enjoyed how so over-the-top this is. Great job, writer.

I'm not one for toilet humour, so I am not the audience for this.

Still, I can appreciate the great writing on display and I can see how others who like this type of comedy would enjoy it.

Well done

Trivia note: Jimmy Rollins, best known for his years with the Phillies, actually played for the Dodgers in 2015.

Not my style of humor, but i can appreciate the writing for the style that it is. Plus, you were limited to the bathroom... so, I can see why you went the direction you did.

Woohoo toilet humor!!!

It wasn't bad for a comedy not a big "Football" fan.

This would be close to a pisstake but comedy is subjective as we always say.

Good job on entering just didn't work for me

Writer,

I had to delete my original post when I realized it was for the wrong script! Sorry.

So, this is what it must be like reading one of my scripts, seeing as I have a penchant for crude, toilet humor! Anyway, of course, I liked it. Very silly, yes, but still funny in some spots. Decent marks from me.

Steve

Hi writer,

That's how uninterested I am in sports, I don't even know what game we are talking about by just the team names  

Yeesh, I'm not the audience for this in any way.

Congrats on getting an entry in.

All the best.

This might do well in Germany.

Granted, if I was watching this, I'd probably be impressed with the writer's gusto for using excrement.

The boys' dialog is OTN, but that's understandable in an early draft. Really curious why these scenes are in 1985 and 2000.

Impressive spell, but it'd suffice to use a wrylie (in Latin with subtitles).

Took a while to get started, but I can see the fight turning into a some good slapstick.

Good job!

Literally toilet humor. Weird there are two scripts with sons bringing Dad's ashes to the ballpark.

So, I'm not your audience. I thought it was gross. LOL

Written pretty well and you ticked all the boxes so I won't let my personal taste cloud the score. But...ewww.