Hello writer

Well, I just learned what a door jamb is lol strange that I've never heard that before.

Quoted Text Susan raises her wine glass in a toast motion. SUSAN To sisters.

Sinister, I like it.

Quoted Text Oh, yeah - Twenty Three and Me. The FBI can run matches against their database. It�s in the terms and conditions. You didn�t know that?

This actually piqued my interest and whether these private DNA companies are obliged to let law enforcement access their records. Quite interesting.

Anyway, 23andme seem very adverse to Law Enforcement accessing their records without being forced to by law (even then they say they will fight it).
Since this is a real company, if this was filmed I don't think they would like this accusation much lol plus it's not accurate.
Reading about the moral and legal conundrum regarding these DNA companies was interesting though.



A well written and fairly interesting story. The ending fizzled a bit, we already knew she was guilty, the ending being the implication she has now probably been caught, but I pretty much thought that to be the case earlier.

Honestly, I would explore the DNA being locked behind a private company angle and the conflict that can cause, there's probably a great twist in there, maybe a legal loophole to put that final nail in the guilty coffin.

Nice work

This was well-crafted and started off with a nice hook. I felt kind of let down in the end as there were no loose ends. I like loose ends. I'm in the boat with leaving us wonder if maybe Susan was killed and Amelia took her place. Also a bit more to lead on that Susan killed her parents. IDK. Regardless, good work here.

Nicely done, albeit familiar police procedural territory that all feels a bit too easy to unravel.

A couple of minors but otherwise well written.  Narrative structure jumps around a bit but it’s fairly easy to follow as all the pieces pull into place and it suits the genre.

Not really sure who’s story it is?  Molina seems the obvious choice but there’s not much to her outside of her by-the-numbers approach.  Susan doesn’t seem all that bright for someone of her status.  Think she’d know enough to try to cover her tracks.

Not bad, just all a bit too convenient and not quite enough mystery/suspense to get my teeth into.  A tricky genre for 6-pages so kudos for trying something different.

Well told story, even if it's not the most original. The structure seemed pretty natural to me, no issues following along. So good job there.

Writing itself is very good. Spotted a few typos throughout, but no biggie.

I actually really like this one. Great work.