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Well done and very poignant story about what appears to be an unending race war. Loved Gigi, but that poor kid was born at the wrong time. While whatís happening is horrible, I donít think this story qualifies as ďhorrorĒ in the traditional sense of the word. However, itís just so good, Iím willing to overlook that shortcoming.
The drone wars of 2043 were caused by a tight bastard who refused to tip an amazon drone that delivered his weekly shop, the straw that broke the camels back...fact!
Weíve got an old hand here, thatís for sure. A quick technical note and one that all should be impressed by, the pace of the script is kept in check really well here. Youíre churning through scene after scene, sometimes up to 7 a page so naturally the pace should be flying faster than Elon Muskís space invading phalus, but it doesnít as your style in stripping the description chunks back and making space on the page takes the speed out of the lines. Either that or Iím too tired to read quickly, but I think itís the former so exceptionally impressed.
The parameters are met, with the exception of the budget stuff. This is a biggie budget for a short, drones, explosions, out door settings, yep.
The story itself, I liked it overall. The inter spliced voice over might jar for some, but it sat reasonably well for me. It did feel like a series of montages that weíre threaded together by the VO, so the story wasnít the best Iíve read but the visual impact was brilliant.
This is a goodie, the budget is screwed and it could still be worked on, but I liked it.
Interesting snapshot of the future. I liked the subtlety of the white hand and black hand maneuvering the mouse. Drone Wars! Needs a bit of clarity (or I just missed it) since it was deemed a race war but the first casualty of the story was killed because of a high temperature? Or is it a drone war of different factions?
For the purposes of your short, I really think you should choose race war or virus. I mean, I know you're writing about OUR future here. But, I just think it would tighten things up and add some punch if you concentrated solely on one.
Still, this was well done. Thanks for sharing!
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Story: Excellent stuff here. Good commentary on not only the race situation but the pandemic as well. Good set up and while the conclusion didnít overwhelm me (it felt like the story was just beginning and I would certainly encourage you to build on this as I think it might make a decent feature) I was good with it overall.
Characters: Troy reminded me of when I first saw John Boyega (Finn) in The Force Awakens. Jane reminded me of Emily Blunt in A Quiet Place. Did a good job of providing great visuals to the overall story.
Dialogue: Dialogue is sparse here except for the Narrator, and I wasnít exactly of fan of her dialogue. But I could easily live with it.
Writing: Overall one of the best Iíve read so far. Good, crisp action, great visuals, satisfying story.
Meeting the challenge: Only thing I might knock you for. Sci fi was there but the horror was fairly non-existent. Lot of tension, but nothing that I would call horror. Iíll let it slide because overall itís top notch.
An utterly mediocre writer who somehow still falls bass ackwards into getting some of his scripts produced.
Really well written. Could visualize it all clearly. Not usually a fan of VO but it works here, although it kind of gives a trailer feel to proceedings.
Takes the post-apocalyptic approach to horror which is maybe a bit easy but the theme is actually quite horrific and poignant so it gets a pass on that score. ĎBad planesí is a great way a child would describe drones and it had a nice Terminator: Salvation feel with added social commentary. Nice job.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
The occasional line threw me off slightly, for example mentioning the camera's POV at the start wasn't necessary, but other than a few little things like that I thought it was very well done and a really easy, thought provoking read.
Absolutely no reason for starting with "CAMERA POV". Really? If it's not someone's POV, whose POV is it? Just a really dumb start.
Not sure why you felt the need to SMASH TO BLACK after a single passage.
Had to look up "bifurcates". Maybe I'm just dumb, but I'm betting most peeps will not know this word.
You tell us Troy is 38, but the drone says he's 36.
Personally, I don't love the super quick cut scenes - on paper - but filmed, no issues.
From what you're offering us, it's hard to really know exactly what's going on here and why, but I think I can fill in the blanks, and what I come away with is a well thought out story that hits hard, even though we know nothing about anyone.
You nailed the ending and it makes this really stand out. Well done.
To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Wow, the author nailed this one. Mostly sci-fi, not much TRADITIONAL horror... but there is, indeed, "horror" if that makes sense. This was super relevant, very well written. The little girl's voice over really worked for me against the depraved and horrific backdrop -- very, very effective. This might be one of the best shorts I've read in a while, period. Not just for this OWC. Really effective stuff. Made an impact on me. And we really don't know much about the characters but we fear for them, which is quite the achievement. I dunno, there's just so many layers to this -- I can really see that the author put a shit load of thought into this. And I can tell that everything going on this world; Covid 19, police brutality on POC, really had an impact on the writer, him/her self. Pretty awesome that this was done in such a tight time frame.
Now, some may think the budget on this isn't low. And, on the surface, it certainly doesn't seem like it. But a lot of filmmakers have drones and access to decent special FX software. The priciest part would be the bigger drone shooting off ammo. But that's pretty much it. It's super easy to show the drone's info on the monitor screen, too. And there's plenty of ways to cheat certain shots here and there. So I definitely think this is EASILY filmable.