The Gambler by Gary Howell (Gary in Houston) writing as Kenny Rogers - Short, Drama - A man diagnosed with a terminal illness makes a drastic choice. 5 pages

Production:Limited budget (utilizing stock footage of Vegas and tight camera angles that focus only on the characters).
Contest: Winner of September 2023 Simply Scripts One Week Challenge.

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi writer

Funnily enough I saw a live singer last night and he played this song. Great choice.

“Resembles joes office” we haven’t seen Joes office have we?

Fantastically written and great story with a positive ending. Some great cinematic choices with the cutting of the black jack game.

Very enjoyable.

All the best

Very well written and very enjoyable.

Ditto to what Matthew said about the office.
At least they didn't cut the wrong leg off. (Surgical mistakes)  

Love the font, suits the title perfectly.

I see the office thing's been mentioned, so I won't mention it all.

Funny, I was thinking as he was heading into the casino..."Might want to get a second opinion, buddy."

And, Joe, Buck. Was that intentional? I actually met Joe Buck once, back in the day. Not a very interesting story, so I won't bore you...but, the combination of the names did throw me from the read just a little bit. If it wasn't intentional, well...you might not even know who Joe Buck is.

Anyway...worst review ever. Sorry about that. Bottom line: I enjoyed this. Fun story with a fun inspirational song.

Best,
Paul

Second script, second fancy title page. Huh.

I'd avoid the description "ordinary-looking." Means nothing.

I love the description of the doctor but his doctor dialogue feels very rote. Could use some character flavour here.

I really enjoyed the story in general. Fun and funny. My main thought is that Buck gets kind of a generic role to play here, just kinda echoing the stakes we already understand. I think it would be more fun if Buck didn't know what was going on with Joe; that way, there'd be some fun irony in this sequence where Buck just thinks Joe has gone crazy and he's pleading with him not to lose it all, he has so much to live for.

This connects to my other note, which is that it'd be great to know a *tiny* bit more about Joe's life so we feel more invested in what his life will be like going forward. Paying off bills is great, but what does he want to do, what is his dream?

Fun stuff here overall.

I immediately got vibes of “Last Holiday” (Queen Latifah) here. Terminal diagnosis equals spend the money. This is so very well thought out and written. I personally love the game of Blackjack and the suspense of “hit me”.  IMO you brought another dimension to the song and created something that should ultimately appeal to filmmakers looking for a worthwhile short. Excellent work.  Thanks for sharing.

I wonder if he counted it while he was sitting at the table, or if he waited until the dealing was done?  Sorry, couldn't resist.  I hope he got lucky three times that day...

Yeah. Enjoyed reading his. Great choice and decent plot. I must admit I guessed that something like that would happen at the end.

But enjoyed this one.

Good song choice. Setting didn't feel like it took place in Las Vegas except for the casino. Felt like kt should have taken place in another city/town and then have the characters fly there for the big gamble, but perhaps too much clutter. Nice enough try.

Entertaining read even if I did see the twists coming, well written and paced.

Dr could do with a little work to give him more umph, but overall this was great,

Shocking.... Shocking Doctor! Somebody sack Dr Williston, his diagnosis's suck. Mind you, ended up making Joe a lotta money by the looks of it.

Hey Writer,

Terrific writing,  proper enjoyable read.

The only thing  - I kinda wanted an open ending as in we don't know for sure whether he won or lost you could have maybe crafted something that points to both. It's just that you very skilfully deprive us of that last dealer card.

Anyway, that was just my take, great work!

This is nice, smoothly written and easy to follow, though a bit tough to swallow the incompetent doctor angle, but willing to set that aside for the sake of the story. A good entry.

Not much to add as you have it written here, but for me, I might have preferred to watch Joe digest that call from Dr. Williston without us knowing whether he'd won or lost.  

Nicely written, rooting for the unlucky good guy story.
Even without the doctor's misdiagnosis, Joe came out a winner whether he went to Paris with the young woman, or J.C. Penny with Buck for a new wardrobe. I saw the ending coming and was rooting for him with every flip of the card. (Great tension builder.)
Very enjoyable!

Liked this one quite a bit for a few reasons.  It played into the theme -- the song references an old gambler about to die, and telling the person on the train that "every hand's a winner, and every hand's a loser", which proved to be true in this case.

One thing I think you did a good job at, which a lot of newer writers still have a hard time pulling off, is the adage of "getting in a scene late, and leaving early".  You did that in the opening scene, where Joe has already gotten the diagnosis before we even meet him.   You pull it off even better in the blackjack scene, by cutting away from the final card reveal before we know whether Joe won or lost.  That's a great way to grab the audience's attention and make them wonder, "what happened? I gotta know!"

Some sure and steady writing on display, for sure, but just a couple of things I would pick nits with, and they're fairly small.  One is maybe you need to get into the actual reasoning behind his wanting to bet his entire fortune on one hand.  I understand the concept of "he can't take it with him", but maybe there's just a throwaway line of "okay, look, if I do win, it's all going to my niece in my Will.  Tell her to go to a really nice college."  Or something like that where there's an understanding of his reasoning behind it all.

Second, I do like Bert's suggestion that maybe you don't show whether he won or lost.  Just have  him looking out at the fountains after the call, maybe even telling Buck that "fate is a helluva thing." Still don't know what happened inside and I kind of like films that you get to choose your own ending.

Good job here, writer.

Writer,

I am coming in late here. It seems most found this funny, I didn't, but then again I'm known for not having a sense of humor.

The story was very good and it fits the song. Bottom line: I liked it, an enjoyable read. Nothing to add that hasn't been said.

All the best,

Ghost