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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2008 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - The Spirit Men
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  Author    OWC - The Spirit Men  (currently 6216 views)
Zombie Sean
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 2:08pm Report to Moderator
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Morgan,


This was a very well-written script but I have some things to point out. If Mr. Soli tells the story every year, why are Ashley and Ashton so surprise about what the story is as if it's the first time they've heard it? There are some unnecessary bits and pieces, such as Ashton needing to put in more logs in the fire, or some lines that don't really  move the story but just try and get a laugh, and even the elk call. That wasn't necessary at all. You need to stick with one name for Mr. Soli. When we're first introduced to him, we know him as Mr. Soli. But then he becomes Office Soli. Alex came out of nowhere and is only in for, like, half a page. Is he really necessary? The ending was very abrupt, too. So they never found a way to stop it? And they didn't even try to do anything to stop it? They  just watched in horror? This really reminded me of John Carpenter's The Fog.

Sean


Find all my scripts here

Read my novel and my novella
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cloroxmartini
Posted: March 22nd, 2009, 8:43pm Report to Moderator
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"...there is an island with a lake and a smaller island in the middle of it. "

Campbell lake. Flat bottom V8 boats, water skiing, and beer.
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