Elizabeth Lavenza,

This is pretty dark and I quite like the tone. It's just a little confusing at the moment. Quite hard to really get into. Think there's something here though. It's a good concept with flashes of great writing. Clean it up and I'd be interested in reading again.

Best of luck.

Glenn.

I didn’t care for the relatively long opening V.O. It seemed to take the easy way out. I would like details like this to be revealed as the story goes along.

Somehow we got from CAGE OCCUPANT to ADAM without an introduction of Adam who – is also referred to as inmate. A bit confusing.

The drill scene was not handled well, IMO. Somehow the sequencing was off.

All that being said – I liked the script. Vivid descriptions and characters that I felt for. Not sure how to describe your style – but to my eye it was pleasing. I think this is pretty solid.

Mmmmm.  Yes, I agree that this one's not exactly low budget.

But.... it's far more classy, well written and lyrical than many of the entries this time around.  It's yet another story based on Frankenstein - to an extent - and it's a bit of a reach to do that in this case.

Yet - when I ignore the challenge criteria and just look at the merits of the story itself... I really like this one.  Definitely in my top 3-5 in terms of the full writing package.  ))

Cheers,

--J (W)

Alex -

Shoot me a message on this one?

Cheers!

--J (W)

Hey ho, thanks for your comments and reviews.

Perhaps I come back to respond to some of you in detail.

If by chance any of you is interested in the scientific background topic of my script, I can say those interventions on the brain of lab rats and mice actually happen. I once researched it for a feature script (never used it though), and since then kept an eye on that stuff. They make big progress every year.

It serves for example the dementia research, which is a big topic around the globe, I think, especially in case of the Alzheimer disease. With erasing experiences connected to fear f.i. they try to understand how memory works in general. The very interesting part is that the scientists are successful. They are not only able to delete a fear like an electro shock the rat has learned before, they also are able to bring it back again. Unbelievable stuff. I was astonished to see those surgeries are even displayed on YouTube, almost the way I told it here.

Another notable thing is that I saw no one titled a produced script with the word "Brain" only. Ha, don't know if it's just a bad title, but it somehow illustrates that some easy short words are available to name your projects.

Thanks again

Opening this script up, the first thing that hit my eye was all the black on the page. I would definitely break up that V.O. if I were you. Maybe you know this, but you had to do it this way to keep it under the page limit.

I readied myself for something a little bit laborious to read and it was. At first, but I soon found myself totally engrossed in the story. I honestly thought you did a great job. Low budget? Not so much, probably. It filled the other criteria though, IMO.

Had I read this one earlier, I would've teetered between RECOMMEND and CONSIDER.

Suggestions to improve. Don't really have any other than the V.O thing.

There is a script here at SS somewhere called Open Your Mind that is also about trepanation. Great script written by Martin Lancaster if you want to check it out.

Great job!