I kind of like the yellow. Reminds me of newspaper reporter paper from the old typewriter days.

Pretty well done in both story and writing. Yes, name mix-ups, but it wasn't hard to figure things out. The few awkward bits of writing looked to be a result of revising a sentence but forgetting to delete the old part.

Excellent ending. Overall, thumbs up.

I'm not one to rail on script format in recent years, but that yellow is an instant turn off for most readers -- this is on a totally different scale to unfilmables and the use of 'we' and whatever gripe people can muster, I've read a fair amount of scripts and I've never seen this, and I'm not entirely sure what it achieves. Any who, back to the script.

The dialogue blocks seem smaller than they should be, I'm not sure if that's my eyes playing tricks. Was this written in a program?

Well written, but unfortunately felt rushed towards the end. There's a certain something here that I quite liked -- the twist with Gepetto worked well, but it felt as if the writer was losing pages and had to wrap up the story fast. Gepetto's end comes too quickly and without actual logic, it's expected, yet doesn't have an effect or really much else to hold on to.

Another problem resides with Pinocchio, I think the story would greatly benefit if his presence was actually relevant in the script. For me, it feels as if it could've been any boy -- which is perhaps the biggest problem. There was a few things present that suggested a theme of being 'real' -- yet the freeing of the girl was never really related to that, which it should be. Otherwise, not a bad effort.

And they were all yellow...good news, this script is better than Coldplay! But then again, so's mine and it's taken a fair pounding.

I quite liked this one. Nice idea, a good twist on the original story, and a little bit of horror bit not enough to make me want to put it down. There's a couple of typos in there, and the story is doesn't flow too well in areas, but overall I think it worked.

After reading other comments now, I'm glad my monitor isn't broken but those were really orange pages. Second script I read now which takes the approach of one character telling another one a fairy tale. I just don't think this works as a film at all. It just covers 4/10 pages and adds nothing in my opinion.

The story itself - written well but it just seems like a weird reinterpretation of Pinocchio. A bit like turning Bambi into a bloodsucking beast. Some fairy tale characters just don't work as monsters, I guess. At least not for me. Interesting read after all and at least Pinocchio saved the day in the end.

I liked this one,

The sudden appearence of "Princess" had me confused for a moment but assumed you meant one of the girl's that came to the house.

I guessed Pinocchio was going to use his nose as a weapon to kill Gepetto  after knowing that Gepetto was a vampire (nice touch), but didn't expect that final twist at the end. Love the ending to this, will be a definite recommend from me, great job.

Not sure about the title - a simple logline, why not?

The pages are yellow on my reader. Should it be wooden perhaps?? Whatever, I'm going to overlook it and see what the message is here.

Ahh, what about that covert advertising??? M&M, snickers…  It was a fine read until then but such a decision distracts me from the story.

You got a qualified, interesting ending. In general, it's a sweet narrative, including some horror and darkness and a humanistic angle as well.

I enjoyed it pretty much and felt entertained all along.

Notes:
Yellow pages!?  Not sure if I like that or not.  Writing starts good enough.  All of the specific candies is going to “eat” at your budget!  

Page 4:
curly blonde hair and holding a bag of candy in the other. Her wears a kitty face paint.
?? Her hair holds a bag of candy?  Her wears??  I know it’s a OWC, but fix this as soon as you can.

Page 5:
Who the hell is PRINCESS?  Never introduced?  Then, you have Kitty girl lifeless in Gepetto’s arms and then screaming, then you have her speaking to Pinocchio?  I’m confused!

Page 9:
Mom comes in the room right after Son speaks then you said he was asleep.  Maybe a slug before that description indicating it’s later.

Okay done.  It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t good.  Thought there were too many mistakes and the story was lost with the Kitty girl and the Princess girl.  At least, that’s me.  Good job completing this.  

Met Challenge?: Yes
Horror: Some.
Overall: Pass

Title is different.

When the other reviews mentioned yellow pages, I thought they were talking about The Yellow Pages phone book.

You should have started with a BLACK SCREEN slug.

Nice, quick setup of Pinocchio and "his curse."

P5 and right into the horror.

I think you're getting the Kitty and the Princess mixed up.

When you re-introduce Princess, call her Fairy Princess, as before, for consistency's sake.

Quoted Text GEPETTO What could you do to me, little girl? Huh?

"Oh[,] please."

Quoted Text Looks into Pinocchio’s eyes [one] last time

Ah! Nice twist! I thought the boy was gonna be Pinocchio.

*SPOILER*

The boy's father is Pinocchio! Unless, of course...



Despite the Kitty/Princess SNAFU, I give this a recommend. A-