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Normally, I ignore most typos and misspellings, but I can't here. They're everywhere! Anyway, it's not a bad story you had going. Nick is a character I didn't feel invested in. He's a bit of a prick, and there's nothing that he does throughout the script that even gives him a hint likability. Why is he a drunk? Why so late on the payment? Perhaps if he'd taken out a photograph of his daughter and said, "God, I miss you," then maybe I could've felt something for him. There are other ways to gain empathy from your reader. As is, this story is about a foul mouthed drunk who crashes and dies on the beach. The end. I was also thinking if the cab had rolled, leaving him upside down and pinned, then that might've been fun -- him taking a swig of whiskey as the tide rolled in. Anyway, decent effort for the time given.
I really like the character work early on, and Nick always felt like a real person to me. Unfortunately the story unfolded a bit too slowly and, after awhile, seemed like it was spinning its wheels. The ending matches the story in tone, but doesn't really resonate. It's not ironic, or karmic, it just kind of is. On the upside it's a wonderfully creative death and such a horrific scene that it leaves an impact anyway.
So overall I feel like I saw less of a story and more of a snapshot of a character’s last day alive. And since I bought into that character as a real person, I'd actually say that's a completely legitimate way to develop a short. A success generally, even if it lacked in the plot area.
The title misspelling just made me keep looking and was way too distracting throughout. Was he cab thirty-six or thirty-two? The log line gave away the ending and it couldn't come soon enough for me. I just didn't 'get it'.
Tragedy's a mostly good man to a bad end, right? I just wanted to see more to Nick than his rough edges. He seemed like an interesting character but we didn't learn enough about his goals to understand why he did some of the things he did. Spur of the moment, sure -- but what was his original plan, prior to whim?
Is there a reason he doesn't go home? Is there a reason he hasn't robbed a store before? Is there a reason he wants to be a cab driver, or alive, for that matter?
There's the tone and premise of a good story here, but we'd need to understand the protagonist more.
Man, there are a TON of mistakes in this script. I feel like you wrote this 15 minutes before the deadline.
So this asshole character Nick can't afford his cab. He robs a convenience store, drives to the beach, sleeps under the cab and dies when the tide comes in...
ok. That's a weird story. it wasn't funny, it was just an asshole being an asshole. You could have been clever with this. There was a way "sleeping under a cab on the beach" could have been funny, but you didn't get there.
Gotta pass.
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I kind of hated the main character. That's the opposite of what you'd expect. I wanted to see how he was going to pound sand. I liked the ending. Typos: Yes. Rushed writing: Yes. Story: Not so much.
This reads like you headbutted the keyboard 5 minutes before the deadline.
Typos aside, Nick is such a caricature of an alcoholic it is hard to fathom how he's still alive, never mind got a job DRIVING and not rotting in prison or a mental hospital by now.
His end couldn't come quick enough. He had no redeeming qualities nor did we know why he had become such a loser.
He was kinda trapped in a taxi, OK I'll give you that in a stretch but this isn't low budget by a long shot.
-Mark
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I didn't care for it. He wasn't trapped IN the taxi. He's really unlikeable. If you were going for the Dustin Hoffman in Hero vibe, then you forgot that that he's a good guy with a bad disposition. This guy in your story didn't. He had no redeeming characteristics at all.
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Funny line of her calling him an asshole as things seemed to be said.
Slugs are inconsistent and wrong.
Another completely non-linear story; haven't known where it'll be going at all, and enjoyed. Nick is an entertaining character. Complete dork. Viewers would like him, he's unpredictable.
Your presentation with the slugs has hurt the overall impression, which wasn't that bad.
Nicks intro needs more commas. Semicolon before "The steering wheel."
P2
"He hit(s) the microphone again, yelling."
Only one exclamation point. And be careful with those; try to use periods.
"Dorothy [c]omes on again."
P3 begins with the same dreaded slug mistake you made on P1.
"[...]Nick's mouth."
Code
INT. Liquor store - night.
Another slug botch, but at least no colon. Slugs need to be in ALL CAPS. Makes them MUCH easier to find and read. And no period; never end a slug with a period.
"four bottles" twice in a row is redundant. It's also needlessly repetitive.
Who's Cleark?
No need to continued unless dialogue runs off the page and onto the next.
P4 Not as bad as I thought it'd be so far.
Nope. The dialogue has to bleed onto the next page WITHOUT action breaking it up.
Had to Google the word "till." Never heard of it in this context.
"Door" is an orphan.
Code
CLERK
Kind[ of] a spur of the moment thing.
Wouldn’t ya say?
Reads better.
Code
INT./EXT: TAXI - NIGHT
See above.
Code
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT
Finally, a slug you got right.
P5 and so far no one's really trapped.
"[...]damn money[,] you cunt."
Quoted Text
NICK (CONT’D) I got the god [d]amn money!
This one is starting to test me.
"Road" is an orphan.
Is that how Brits spell "lightning?" Are you planning to use a sprinkler or real rain?
P6 I'll survive. I hope.
Passive voice. "Nick’s scrawny little body [flings] around the front of the cab."
"[...]it[]s wheels, facing the sea."
"[...][,] [c]onfused."
"Unbroken" is an orphan. You never know how many lines or pages you could save.
"[...]poens" There's a word I've never heard before.
"He [opens] it and takes a drink."
P7 Has anyone been trapped yet?
He's a wrestler now?
Those "nothings" might read better (and be more suspenseful) is on their own separate lines. You know, to build suspense.
I think the actions and results should be separated.
"He does this.
Nothing.
He does something else.
Doesn't work, either."
(CONT'D) not needed.
"Collapses."
The botched taxi slug again.
Code
Nick pulls himself out onto the hood of the cab. Out into the
rain[, which] pours into the cab.
Finally, he's trapped, but not for long.
Quoted Text
NICK (CONT’D) Okay! It’s a little bit to fuckin['][g] wet out here!
P8 Certainly better than a few pages ago.
No CONT'D.
"Him" is an orphan. You could have saved a page or two.
"Tha[t]’s it. Night[,] Baby."
CUT TO: is usually unnecessary.
"He [a]wakens."
*takes deep breath*
I need some of Nick's brew right now, lol. Whew, what a doozy.
There's a decent enough story in this; too bad I had to slog through every issue I pointed out above to get there.
Story: 7/10 Formatting/grammar: 4/10
I'll flip a coin on this. Heads, consider; tails, pass.