Pretty good set up for the feature. I have to be honest though, I was much more interested in Eva and her life than the other 3 women. I just didn't like them at all. Except for Matty. They were in my opinion to over-the-top to be funny or interesting.

I'm not sure what genre this is opposed to be. Maybe comedy/fantasy?

Overall I liked it and see potential for a feature. With of course the rework of those witches.

Oh, I don't think I like the title. It doesn't say anything or promise anything.

Following are some thoughts I had while reading.

Page 1. I guess these kids go to school during the summer. What's with all the capitalized words? Sounds should only be capitalized when sound effects are needed. At least in my opinion. They are not needed for general background sounds.

Same goes for your capitalization of all the people.

Unless there is a reason for Eva and Ewan to have such close names, I would probably rename one of them if I were you.

Page 2. A 16-year-old girl drinking beer? Okay.

I totally dislike damsel.

Page 3. I'm wondering what happened to Eva.

Page 4. At this point I really dislike Caronia too. Except for Matty, they all seem like a bunch of losers.

Page 5. Kevin does not appear to know Matty, but she seems to know who he is.

Page 6. Just to nitpick here, it might be a long time on film to watch Kevin crossed the street to his house and go inside. Even weirder for a person to stand there and watch. Just my opinion of course.

This was a nice little read.   I got a kick out of some of the dialogue. It's nice to get that joy from some of the writers here. I appreciate it.

Did you kind of run out of room at the end, or did you think it would be fun to play around with that. I think I'm thinking that simply because I know what the challenge was. If I didn't though, I'm pretty sure I would be turning the page.

You used "feint", but I think you wanted "faint". Maybe she was "feigning a faint"? That would be fun.  

Sandra

I didn't have the logline available when I was reading this script - so I kind of got a different sort of effect from it.  

At first I was really admiring the characters and loved how they each had a unique voice.  You did very well with that aspect.

Then around page 6 all I was getting was characters and my mind kept wandering from the script.  I had to reread that page like three times.  I was wondering at that point if there was ever going to be a story.

Then I got really confused because we suddenly jumped to a whole new set of characters.  I was just about to put it down when it clicked and I got it.

From then on it was smooth sailing.  I like how the story is evolving.  However, it did kind of remind me in a superficial sense of movie called Hocus Pocus.

I don't think you'll have any problem turning this into a romcom feature.  I would probably read it, even though I'm not crazy about romcoms.  

I would maybe suggest starting with the young girl trying to summon them and failing.   It seems to be such a theme with them that it would make sense to show it first.

Really good job, especially on the characters.   Good luck with the feature.    

Hi

I'm no expert, but you did start to lose me around three pages in.  I dunno, i found the characters a little too much like caricatures.  You started with the young girl and i felt you should have stuck with her for longer or at least introduced her with more impact so we would look forward to coming back to her.  The dialogues kinda ponderous. Sorry, I haven't got anything more positive to say, but with a rewrite i'd be more than willing to give it another go.

Leon    

Way to take it to the OWC, man!

P. 2
I’m struggling with the language and detailed action some...
But what’s really slowing me down is the vague time period.
I’d just like to know what decade we’re in, it’s distracting me.

P. 3
Caronia’s dialogue...
Raving, you know I always go to
Euphoria on Thursday nights.

Lose the word, “raving”.
Sounds more natural without it.
You already gave us the rave visual data.
Besides, I don’t know anyone that raves that calls it that.

P. 4
The trio engaged in dialogue.
Hard for me to distinguish the characters from each other.
Consider a “syntax polish” to enhance their voices on the page.

P. 5
More unnatural sounding dialogue...
Now, I’m going to grab
some snooze as I’m goin’ base jumping
tomorrow with the guys.

When I said it aloud, it clunks off my tongue.
That’s a litmus test I give dialogue chains I use.
Especially super cool base jumpers need to sound well... cool.

P. 7
One of the weirdest page breaks I’ve ever seen...
PAULA
(Into phone)
(MORE)
PAULA (CONT’D)

I want the hard copy on my desk

I think a couple carriage returns are in order here.

P. 7
I appreciate spending time with the characters...
But I’d like to get a sense that the plot has started at least.

Finished.
Diversify the character voices, that would help a lot.
Right now they feel very boiler plate.
If the ceremony had higher stakes, I’d likely get more invested.

Regards,
E.D.

One of the better entries, a solid opening and strong hook. I'm not quite sure of the genre, though. It might be going for dark comedy but doesn't really hit the mark for dark or comedic. The characters are more like charicatures, way over the top, and the exaggerations and irony are strong comedy devices so I'll assume that's the target, in which case you need to work on the setups, payoffs, and jokes.

I like the premise a lot. You have the right mix of characters. The writing is decent, though the dialogue is a tad on-the-nose in places. All in all, not a bad entry, one of the better ones I've read. Good job!

This was a quick read - thought it was very good.

Liked the relationship between the 3 witches, although some of the dialogue was a little over the top.

I can see the potential of the relationship between Eva and the 3 witches, especially Matty.

The story bobbed along, no stilted dialogue and clean descriptions.

The only comment I would have, is I wonder who the antagonist could be (I know it's early in the script) and if the next door neighbour will come back in play for Matty.

Overall - I really liked it and look forward to seeing where this goes.