This one is written well.

Then I see a long conversation between Harriet and Walter and they are just repeating their initial thoughts. You better spice it up a bit.

Then it's too many villains. You introduce bad creatures as villains. Then Albert turns roque for no reason. Then there's a real villain - John.
And as written it's a complicated clutter of villains for me. A bit too dispersed.
Walter is not someone I'd root for either.

But again a really good writer here at work.

I was going to complain about the unoriginal title... but now that I've read a couple of pages, it's by-the-by. The writing in this is good. At last! I've read so much crap for like 5 scripts.

Animal-like
boil-ridden
wall-mounted

etc... don't be afraid of hyphens. They do exist and have a use.

The quality of writing peters out after the mid-point. The story isn't the best. It's fairly simple and the ending isn't very creative.


Criteria Met (Y/N) – I don't care.
Story (1-5) –  3
Characters (1-5) – 4
Dialogue (1-5) – 4
Writing (1-5) – 3.5
Overall (1-10) – 7.25

I'm actually surprised how the score has come out with this one. I would have scored a little lower. Maybe a 6-6.5. But, it is what it is.

Thanks all for the comments. This was my best OWC yet so I'm pretty damn chuffed!

I wasted too much of my time writing a spoof trailer for a film called "Titanic in Space" - it was dog shit so I rustled this up.

My first real try at horror, so I focused a lot on trying to make it scary and neglected to give it an actual story. Can't say I enjoyed horror that much, will probably stay clear of it in future.

People seemed to have an issue with John Gregg, not knowing who he is, how he got there and for how long - I never wanted to answer these things, it was just supposed to be a gory survival, didn't want to get into explaining everything.
If the chapbook on which this is based is to be believed (and let's face it, it's not) John Gregg was a recluse who lived in the caves of Devon for 25 years, creating a large family of inbred swines. They apparently claimed 1,000 victims until one day, someone escaped - the survivors tale reached the king who, along with his men, captured the lot and hung them without trial.

In reality, it's most likely a story made up by smugglers to keep eyes from the caves where they would hide their wares (Victorians were gullable)
The tale is so similar to Sawney Bean (which two ppl mentioned) that it was likely borrowed and adapted to Devon.

I agree the story is lacking, I ran out of time. I will probably give it another go over, try and give the story something and involve the storyteller or the couple in the opening to give it a sense of completion - who knows.

Thanks again for the comments and kind words first OWC that didn't make me wanna cry lol

Sorry Matt I didn't read this and the reason was the whole "Fig plucker" stuff really put me off.

Quoted from AndyJ Sorry Matt I didn't read this and the reason was the whole "Fig plucker" stuff really put me off.

No worries - you weren't the only one who had an issue with the pseudonym - Should have just stuck with Alan Smithee lol