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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - In The Flesh
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  Author    OWC - In The Flesh  (currently 2221 views)
grademan
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
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My notes: A Man tells a Woman (Not named) that he knows that she killed his son in a hit and run accident. He punishes her (a vegan)  by making her eat a cute kitten with puppies for the main course. All done with dialogue and hitting her.

Some suspense of belief the woman wouldn't vomit while eating the cat - RAW!

The Man was quite the talker to get all the exposition out. Might have been nice to see if the Woman had a brain. Drama is a conflict between people. Give and take. You need some meaningful resistance,

Actually, I liked it. Made me feel something. And you succeeded with the Ew! part.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 9:47pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from grademan
My notes: A Man tells a Woman (Not named) that he knows that she killed his son in a hit and run accident. He punishes her (a vegan)  by making her eat a cute kitten with puppies for the main course. All done with dialogue and hitting her.

Some suspense of belief the woman wouldn't vomit while eating the cat - RAW!

The Man was quite the talker to get all the exposition out. Might have been nice to see if the Woman had a brain. Drama is a conflict between people. Give and take. You need some meaningful resistance,

Actually, I liked it. Made me feel something. And you succeeded with the Ew! part.


Loved how Gary plussed it all. Even the "Ew"!  

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Trojan
Posted: May 18th, 2010, 9:29am Report to Moderator
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So we have this script 'written by a meat eater', and another script 'written by a vegetarian'. If the author of this script is who I think it is then it's interesting to see that they have trashed each others scripts. Some real life drama and conflict between a carnivore and vegetarian is brought to the OWC! Maybe the differences are just too much...

Anyway I thought this one was pretty good. Had an actual story going on which has been rare for this OWC, and some thought has been put into this. I do think some of the dialogue from the woman could be improved, as it seems a tad too thought out and logical given the terrifying predicament she is in.

Overall good job though, and this has a solid ending which has been lacking in most others. Ends on a high point and fits the story, so that was a refreshing change too.

Cheers,
Tim.
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Coding Herman
Posted: May 18th, 2010, 11:04pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this script. Got chills when the woman ate the kitten, raw.

There's a lot of tension and conflict in here. Kept me interested throughout. You threw in a good explanation as to why the man is doing all this.

Although it's dialogue heavy, the last act saved it.

I don't want to know what's for dessert.

Very good!


FEATURE:

Memwipe
- Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
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TheRichcraft
Posted: May 20th, 2010, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
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Had me right up to the part about the kitten.  The cat lover in me hated its fate.

Most compelling OWC story so far.
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