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Good visuals. The story has some food for thought.
I enjoyed the reflection talking back. A perfect way to represent a person's thoughts on screen, I think and play with them in this kind of dialogue.
Here:
REFLECTION What I’ve learnt from being your reflection for many, many years is that people in this world get over each other’s flaws. (beat) They see the flaw, and move on.
This is true and whether or not a person is capable of loving someone despite their flaws is probably a testament to their own particular evolution.
If a more highly evolved individual is together with someone who can't see the light of day, then it's not going to work. It's a mutually beneficent law of reciprocity. If the current won't flow, then off you go.
Here, it seems that Tasha is either doing the right thing, or the wrong thing. I'm not completely sure. Sometimes, you have to let people go in order that they learn things. Perhaps, she fully intends on coming back to be with him when he learn a few things.
The fact that I contemplate this means that you have taken time to contemplate the issue yourself and put it into your work here and I see that as a really positive thing.
Craft. I believe this is a very fine example of screenwriting craft.
Thanks for all the reads guys, and glad most of you liked what I wrote!
I think the main concerns brought up are that it was a bit uneven, and the characters changed too fast.
Also yes, the song came out of nowhere, but I was thinking as it more as a musical. How they chat and chat and chat and BAM start singing to eachother
I think if I rewrote this, I would keep the basic premise... make it a bit longer... maybe take out the song... dunno...
In terms of writing this, I spent the whole week thinking about ideas, and didn't have much at all. I started writing the start of the first scene not really knowing where I was going. I then knew what they would sing about, and wrote the lyrics in literally 1 minute. I tried to rewrite them about 6 times over the next day or so, and didn't change a word. I think they are quite cliche, but I just couldn't find anything better to chuck in there.
I was falling asleep the night before it was due... with only 3 pages or so written, got the idea of the bracelets being the same, but meaning different things. Straight after that, the idea of the mirror, and Alex's reflection teaching and changing him.
It was about 2am at the time, and I knew if I didn't write it down I would forget it, so I got up and wrote for about an hour... and nearly finished it.
Then obviously finished it the day it was due, and the rest is history.
I haven't read this yet. But I just want you to know that I hold you personally responsible for having had the song "Baby Please don't go" relentlessly running through my head for the past week. I've just realised this is why.
EDIT:
Just read it. Not sure I really get it. Were you going for kind of mirror image thing there? It made me think and that's a good thing.
I got a chuckle out of the song and I liked the stuff with the mirror. I think if anything what I would probably criticise the most is that it tended to get a bit melodramatic. This was mostly because of the dialogue, so I would tone that back a bit.
An interesting piece that raises an important issue about relationships in an innovative way. Alex and Tasha both have their faults -- Alex gets angry over small things, and Tasha doesn't share Alex's interests. The question being, do you accept someone into your life who isn't quite perfect, or do you move on and find someone more like your ideal? Alex's argument with his reflection show his thought processes in an innovative way. It's a pity we weren't shown more of what brought Alex and Tasha together in the first place. He'll be sacrificing some good stuff in his life by losing her. It's all part of the equation.
The two interpretations of the words on the bracelet was another good point, but overall this didn't work for me. The song gets plus points for being a duet, but doesn't fit organically into the story. They just burst into song then carry on as if nothing has happened. We don't see Alex making an effort to deal with his anger issues, and conveying this to Tasha. I don't see how he can just phone her and she comes over after he's broken up with her. It was not clear what part of him the reflection represented. So, very interesting ideas, but not matched by the writing.
Well, the inner core of the story was nice. That notion that we should like people for what they are, and not dislike them for what they're not was good, solid ground for a romantic comedy. Tasha's ditching of Alex felt a little forced, though. It didn't feel organic to the story. I mean, she was devastated, and yet she so quickly got over him? Sure, it's maybe a consequence of young love, but it kind of undermined what had gone before.
I liked the fact you highlighted the shallowness of Alex, and this was something we saw in 'Boomerang' and 'Shallow Hal'. Also, he claimed she was unintelligent on pretty weak ground, so it said a lot about him, and how he views himself.
The duet moment definitely came across as a musical, and it worked as an independent scene but didn't fit the overall tone.
I agree that the reflection was a nice tool, and made me think 'Mr. Brooks', where they employed that tactic to good use.