Do you need this scene? If to just establish time, do it in the subsequent scene: "INT. HOUSE - ENTRANCE HALL - LATE AFTERNOON
A KEY turns in the lock. The door swings open, and in steps
William, Winnie close behind.
William shuts the door. He pulls out his pocket watch,
checks the time: quarter past four."

Don't know if you need to have him collecting hte book and weapons from their hidey holes. Maybe one, but not all 3.

He doesn't get to the other side until past the half way point. That's a lot of setup (and the real setup (book, wife, weapons, dog) was done early)

Would his watch go fast? From the outside looking in yes, but from the inside?

A Dead? Might want a better name for them.

OK, I don't get this time thing. If 5 hours have passed, but to him only 20 minutes have passed and the other world is "moving" at the same speed as him (people not super speedy) then why have a time discrepancy?

I liked the chime thing the first time, but on the second it feels like a repeat.

Good message at the end -- might want to have him drop to his knees as the dead approach, and have him open his arms in surrender, knowing that to stay with he he must die?

Good job on the only one person talking thing, felt very natural in this one.

I'm sorry, but this is too dense, too overwritten, too hokey in the lines being read.

I started yawning on Page 2 and by Page 3, I decided I have at least 10 more scripts to attempt to read and this one's definitely not my can of Mountain Dew Throwback.

*spoilers*

Oh wow. Great final image. It works so well because William gives it all up for the moment. And it's a beautiful one, surrounded by evil. I like that.

The setting was handled well. So was the alternative version of it. Good detail regarding the bullet. Poetic, a interesting way to implement dialogue. I enjoyed the atmosphere in this, it had a little bit of everything.

From the first verse, the first page I knew this wasn't for me. But once I got past all of the ritual prep stuff, the story got better.  
I wish Wiliiam and Eleanor were not married. Maybe engaged. Might be nice to create this bit of mystery about her, something that William doesn't know.
This portal might lead to purgatory. And here Eleanor is stuck in that quagmire between heaven and hell. Perhaps the dead want her. I'm thinking that William sets off to rescue her and discovers, while in the nether world, that something in Eleanor's past has brought her here. Some sin that she was going to tell William before she was killed.
So, maybe she was never meant to leave this place. And William learns as he is fighting for their reunion.

There is a lot of Dead floating about in this world. Maybe you can add others like Eleanor, who find themselves in her situation. And we can see what the dead can do to them. So we know what fate awaits Eleanor.

This reminded a bit of "Ghost." And all those creepy things taking away wicked souls, or whatever they did.

While not my kind of story, something in the characters resonated with me. It's not that bad at all, and for me to say that is bleeping strange. I must be on drugs again. Anyway, I'd love for you to create a bit of back story and mystery that would have us (and William) guessing as to why Eleanor is in this place, and why her fate is sealed.
This might propel William to new heights of heroics, so I think.

Not sure about the way Wm. was battling the monsters. I kind of got tired of the repetition but I'm sure if I was watching it on a screen I'd be fine with it.

Nice job with this.  A little clunky on the read, due the details. But I like the spirit here, and I don't mean those Deadbeats floating around causing mischief.

A solid premise even if it does take a long time to get there...
The final incantation is a good one - I'd streamline the rest. The dog is great and William talking to him seemed natural.

Some imagery evoked from this line in particular:
A cold WIND seems to
whip around the room. Winnie crouches low, whimpers

And, a nice flashback story.

A DEAD
SPIRITS NEVER AT PEACE hmm,
... his blade dispels the Dead just behind him.

Balked at little at those lines (above).

Not sure about using the word FORMS to describe the spirits either when they're  also referred to as the DEAD

Starting to drag a little towards the end and overall could be tightened and I don't think William deserves what he gets at the end. I'd edit that bit out personally.

Decent (if a little novelistic) entry.

A very solid entry in this OWC.  *Loved* the incantion rythmes, very well done.  And despite the amount of detail - which some may argue was overwritten - the writing was very polished, and assured.  An easy, pleasant read and a story that one can of course empathize with.  (Being me, I admit I mostly focused on Winnie.  Can't go wrong with a border collie!)

The ending (though not unexpected) worked nicely, too.  My one complaint - the mid section, where William is attempting to lead Eleanor from the Otherworld, and fight past the Dead started to drag.  No pun intended, but I personally feel this part could be hacked and slashed considerably, resulting in a tighter read.

But - very respectable and poetic job here.  

"In his hand is a BOOK," 'He holds a book in his hand' would read a lot better.

Liking the poetry/instructions so far. Seems like you put some effort into them but...

Not a fan of the dream sequence, which is more of a flashback stuffed with exposition really. I'd argue we don't need it, or if you really want it there, have it be the first thing in the script.

At page 5 so far, and an interesting thing I noticed is that I don't know where the story is headed. Which is surprisingly hard to do, especially in shorts, or maybe I'm just really slow with that stuff. Hopefully the interest builds to something special.

A Dead? Might need a better name for them.

You know, I quite liked this. Probably one of my favourite entries this OWC thus far, I could talk about a lot of mundane things but there wouldn't be much point since the story works as is. It's simple, to the point, and relatable (in theory) to the audience. I thought the writing was pretty good too, which is a rare comment from me. Sure, you can pick on tiny sentences and little words but the script was very easy to get through. Good job! You're always bound to get people who dislike or like the script, so don't think too much into it.

11.  For Her Lov'd Sake by Reads Way Too Much - In Victorian London, a grieving husband travels into the Underworld to rescue his wife's spirit before he loses her forever.

Alright, I’m not “really” reading your screenplay, I’m going to “watch” this short horror-fantasy film and just make comments as I “watch.”

With a title like ‘For Her Lov’d Sake’ I’ve not much of a clue beyond some sacrifice for “her”, likely by “him.”
(Format police be damned, for future reference, that prologue belongs at the top of page one, not on the title page.)
Excellent opening scene and fabricated verse!
Time hops seem sorta garbled.
Verses are good. Setting is good.
I like Winnie’s crouched whimper.
Excellent flashback of Eleanor’s demise.
Nice, classic period portal.
How you’ve handled the possibility of an entire night passing in a short story is well done.
Very tense battle at the portal! Excellent!
Great story. I enjoyed that. Thank you.

Suggested construct alternatives:
- Dates on the headstone suggest a century and a half ago time lapse have occurred without reference to the time setting of “the present” beyond use of a pocket watch. At story’s open establish that “the - present” is through statement of surroundings, William’s dress, or other method.
- More graphic or definitive descriptions of William’s dispatches of “the dead” would be good.

I appreciated the dedication to authenticity in terms of the poetic language conveying the ritual required to pass into the underworld. Plus, I liked what you did visually when we go there; the red glow, the roaming ghosts (especially the reappearance of the flower girl) and the Interstellar/Inception inspired time variance to heighten the tension of the ticking clock scenario.

However, I couldn't help thinking after I read it why William didn't just let her go this year and get back to our world safely. Then, 12 months from now, repeat the process...Only this time he'll have experience of the route and foreknowledge of the obstacles that'll face him i.e. Eleanor's infuriating slowness and sheer amount of ghosts.

That way, he can load up on silver bullets and get his running shoes on to head straight to the graveyard, no titting about! Nothing in the incantation says she can only be saved on a specific Halloween night, its fair game every 31st of October, right?

Poor judgement call on Willy's part, I reckon. A bit of foresight wouldn't have went astray.

Captivating. I liked this tale of William pursuing his Eleanor. Kept expecting William to shoot himself so he could join Eleanor.  
The beloved Winnie is a terrific addition. So worried the dog was going to be harmed. Instead, he leaves her behind. Very sad...