All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Nice way to tease us with the cat's near misses. Unknown presence was the clue I read but didn't recall until the end. The title itself is a misdirect. My only recommendation is to draw out the near misses a little more so the audience marvels at how close the cat is to losing a life.
Your scripts are usually an engaging read and this one's no exception. Could use this as a writing sample to land the Final Destination 6 script assignment!
I like how you interwove multiple legends to keep the audience guessing. I don't know how I feel about how the time in the car was handled. It's all predicated on the audience not being shown something.
Tend to not like twist endings that count on the camera to obscure our view. Find a way to use the opening dialogue better so this feels like less of a cheat.
There's gotta be some vague rewording of things to improve your surprise. Have her speak baby talk while she drives, maybe sing a lullaby. Then have the cat meow, "Oh, you're awake, we're almost home.
If you can smooth out that camera cheat, this is ready to be filmed! Very good work.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I thought I knew for sure the cat would be "cooked" in the microwave, but that didn't happen. I then expected her to drop the cat on the knife, but that didn't happen either. It was instead her grandson in the car that got fried.
So, that worked pretty good, but I think you have some things that need tidying up. First thought that came to me was, who the hell cooks a roast in the microwave?? Second was how could she not know there was a kid in her car. Seems to me the son would have told her. You could easily fix these issues by making Barbara very forgetful.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Second was how could she not know there was a kid in her car. Seems to me the son would have told her. You could easily fix these issues by making Barbara very forgetful.
She knew the kid was in the car, but it simply slipped her aging mind. Which unfortunately does happen in real life.
A nice use of misdirection. I, for one, didn't see the ending coming. The fact that Davey was in the car from the beginning allowed us to concentrate our attention on him and worry about his fate, little realizing what was going on in the backseat.
And pretty funny stuff with the microwave and the knife. Your logline told me just enough to wonder which old lady-cat legend you were going to go with, but in the end you went with an actual story I've seen happen in the news many times.
The ending was just right, because you didn't go into the hysterics that would surely follow. You stopped it right on that moment of sinking dread.
The only recommendation I would make would be to drop the line where Barbara looks into the rear view mirror. You don't need it and I can can see how it tipped your hand to some people.
Very good job on this one and I can see this being a very simple but effective short.
And Barbara and Davey are both named after the founders of Snopes.com.
I agree with those who mentioned lengthening the scenes with the old lady and the cat. I've been thinking of other fake-out scenarios for both characters to go through before the twist at the end (without it becoming too schtick). Reef Dreamer, I really like your idea of the cat playing with an infant's toy. I might use that.
I really appreciate the feedback from everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read my script.
Good use of misdirection and urban legends. Unfortunately, having worked at two libraries, I can tell that at least once a month some mother would come running into the building crying for help because she stupidly locked her baby in her car. I have never seen a father do that, so I can believe that a grandmother might do this in real life.
Parents also have left their children at the libraries, resulting in us having to stay late and call the police. This one hits way too close to home for me.
I didn't even know about this challenge until Felipe said I should check out your script.
Like the others, I thought something was going to happen to the kitty. So, you got me there.
I have to agree with Pia about making the grandmother forgetful because when I saw the car seat it felt like it just came out of left field. I mean the grandmother seemed a little odd with what you showed us, but not odd enough to forget her grandson in the car (unless you show her forgetting other things in the house).
This was a pretty neat little script though. I liked it.
It's nice when a script takes a turn in a different direction right when I think I know what is about to happen next.
Good job, Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Thanks for checking out my script. Before I get to your comments, let me also give a huge thanks to Felipe for encouraging you to take a look at this. I appreciate it, bud!
I'm glad you enjoyed this one. I also think it could benefit from an additional page, perhaps showing Barbara's forgetfulness, maybe burning the roast beef in the oven which is why she resorts to cooking something in the microwave.
Misdirection is something I've really been striving for in my writing lately, and I'm glad it worked for you. Thanks again.