SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 9th, 2025, 3:17am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    December, 2011 Urban Legend OWC  ›  Semper Fi - ULOWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Semper Fi - ULOWC  (currently 3824 views)
ArtyDoubleYou
Posted: January 17th, 2012, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
New


Onen Hag Oll

Location
Newquay, Cornwall, England
Posts
219
Posts Per Day
0.04
Hi Felipe.

I think the reason this worked for me was because I read about the urban legend beforehand. Because I knew the story it was easier for me to picture what was happening, plus the 'whys' to go with it.

I liked how you wrote Callahan. He came across as a very menacing character, his dialogue in particular had sinister undertones throughout. Good stuff.

I noticed a few times where you used numbers, '3' sticks in my mind particularly, but really you should write them out as a word, three, instead.

Also I felt like the final scene went on a little longer than it needed to. You could probably cut it down by a page at least, if not more. Some of the dialogue wasn't totally necessary IMO.

Overall a good job for a week.

Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 15 - 15
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    December, 2011 Urban Legend OWC  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006