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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    December, 2011 Urban Legend OWC  ›  Semper Fi - ULOWC
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  Author    Semper Fi - ULOWC  (currently 2766 views)
Posted: January 17th, 2012, 5:03pm Report to Moderator

Onen Hag Oll

Newquay, Cornwall, England
Posts Per Day
Hi Felipe.

I think the reason this worked for me was because I read about the urban legend beforehand. Because I knew the story it was easier for me to picture what was happening, plus the 'whys' to go with it.

I liked how you wrote Callahan. He came across as a very menacing character, his dialogue in particular had sinister undertones throughout. Good stuff.

I noticed a few times where you used numbers, '3' sticks in my mind particularly, but really you should write them out as a word, three, instead.

Also I felt like the final scene went on a little longer than it needed to. You could probably cut it down by a page at least, if not more. Some of the dialogue wasn't totally necessary IMO.

Overall a good job for a week.

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