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You've formatted this as a shooting script, with camera angles and povs. Those shoudl be left out of a spec script as much as possible. You can still draw attention to what you think should be highlighted, but any director or cinematographer will want to make their own decisions. Plus, you don't need 'cut to' or 'dissolve' anymore.
The opening is 14-15 pages...that's 15 minutes of pirate battle...we need to see a Goonie in the first 5 pages. The search for the second batch of treasure needs to start by page 30, but it starts around page 60. There's too much of the birthday party and character building.
It was a good idea to have a descendant of an original pirate to be a link to the new adventure.
Some proofreading is necessary...its/it's etc. plus a few spelling mistakes (let's get out of here...not outer here...unless that's pirate talk).
Overall: obviously a lot of work went into it. Good effort. Make it more adventuresome.
Thanks for taking time to read it, much appreciated.
Yeah I know what you mean. Its a first draft so I understand it obviously must have spelling and grammar mistakes here and there.
The reason it takes so long to get into the actual storyline is that I thought I would end up with a script that was about 160 pages +. I never intended to write this script as a 'film script' as such, because I wanted to to be a 'fan fiction script'. If that meant the script was 160+ pages then I thought, "So be it."
Thanks for reading it matey. Much appreciated. If you have any work of yours that you would like me to read please don't hesitate to leave the links in this thread.