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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Betrayal of the Badge's Honor Moderators: bert
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  Author    Betrayal of the Badge's Honor  (currently 1279 views)
Don
Posted: July 1st, 2016, 8:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Betrayal of the Badge's Honor by Dewey Reynolds - Drama - A police officer becomes the main target of a major reverse drug sting operation by a police department suspicious of his illegal activities. 121 pages - pdf, format


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cloroxmartini
Posted: July 2nd, 2016, 3:29am Report to Moderator
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Where to start.

The intro of a hot white chick cop and the hot black dude cop is too much. Really, that only happens in the movies; so it must be ok here.

The dialogue is on the nose. The narco cops in the parking lot should just say "they're (or their if the grammar Nazi is watching) moving."   And when black cop has to explain Kansas, that whole line of dialogue is meh.

The hot tub scene is more akin to erotic novel writing.

The good is you're writing a story. What you need to improve on is reality. Does this play well in the first few pages? Not for me.
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