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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  American Ninjas Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 29th, 2020, 1:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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American Ninjas: Wanted Dead or Alive: The semi-tru story of how my best friend and I tried to kill the world's most notorious drug lord for $25 million by Jason Benoit - Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, War - A dying father and an ex-Pat with nothing to live for team up in an attempt to claim a $25 million FBI bounty by trying to capture the world's most notorious drug lord.  121 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Lono
Posted: April 18th, 2020, 7:05am Report to Moderator
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read up to page 10. The title needs work IMO, but then again, a movie called Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri was a masterpiece so, take it with a grain of salt.  The screenplay is great so far, really great writing.  I think some people may pass on opening up the script because of the  title which is a mistake i think. I will continue to read, you're a talented writer.
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rattle221
Posted: April 20th, 2020, 11:04am Report to Moderator
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Thx... yeah title may be doing the opposite of my intention.
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eldave1
Posted: April 20th, 2020, 11:54am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Doing some brief fly bys of scripts as I'm having the morning coffee. Took in the first 20 of this.

A) Writing is stellar!
B) Dialogue very solid.
C) Title - not good at all

My only gripe is the first Carla - Mitch scene. I've seen this a thousand times in movies right down to the nature of the dialogue. Look for something new/creative here.

Really solid writing though.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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