Quoted from stevemiles That's good to hear.  I don't follow Scriptshadow all that closely, but Carson seems open to listening to his readership (if that's the right word) and giving writers a fair shake.  To be honest I've yet to check out TLS, but best of luck - it's a good platform to gain exposure.

Thanks,  buddy

Quoted from Philostrate Great news, Dave. I've yet to read The Last Statesman but I'll certainly give it a shot. Everybody says great things about it! Looking forward to read Carson's review as well.

Much appreciated - thanks

What did you think of the review, Dave?

Carson is clearly impressed with your writing.

And I agree with your estimation: "Wasn't for me (him) - quite yet."  

The review does seem better than the final rating. Says some very nice and accurate things about the quality of writing.

Can't really comment on the review of the entire script because I've only read the first 10.

I wouldn't be upset with a review like that, not in the least.

Congrats again Dave.

Well, I read the review and don't quite agree with it.
Actually, I agree with the review but not with the rating which seemed quite strange.
I agree with his gripe, but it seems like a small one. Lowell haven't seen the people he's fighting for - so in the next draft he'll see them, that's about what 2-3 scenes, no more.

I don't know. Carson seems to note the writing, the stakes, the way everything is tied up, the way the character pops up from the very first page. And then he marks it low. Might be the page count which he obviously didn't like at all.

My main grump would be - Jason comes late into the picture for me. Carson's words make really good sense, I think the script will definitely benefit from that addition to the Lowel's motivation.
(sorry if I spelled his name wrong, I read the script a while ago)

Anyway, good luck to you with the script. It would be interesting to see the rewrite if you're planning one.

LC, Warren and Kham - thanks for the interest and support.  My reaction to the specific issues raised:

Page Count

Disagree.  Yes, at some level page count can be a problem (i.e., if it is extremely low or extremely high). But most films range from 80 pages on the short end to 150 at the high end. 120 pages is certainly not outside the norm in my view particularity for a dialogue heavy script such as this one. Christ, you can right a car chase scene in one page that may take up 10 minutes of film time and 10 pages of dialogue that takes up 10 minutes of film time. All in all I think page count "rules" are really off based.

I also kind of think that Carson mis-stated his problem. If they were 120 pages that he absolutely loved, I don't think I would have got the page count criticism because he wouldn't have noticed - he would have been engaged in the story. i.e., I think it's a misnomer. I think it's more of you don't need 120 pages to tell that story rather than no story should be 120 pages. Unfortunately, the peeps in the thread all run with the page count issue and I really don't think that's the point.

The Veteran Issue

Carson's primary issue was premise. Why does Lowell care about the veteran issue and why should the reader? When I wrote this, it was irrelevant to me as the issue almost didn't matter - it was a dying man grasping at straws trying to get something significant done before he died. A last gasp at making up for lost time. In my mind, the specific issue didn't matter. i.e., the Homeless Vet issue was random. If Maria's health issues were being ignored - that'd be the cause. If it was an addiction issue - that'd be the cause. Lowell was meant to be grasping at straws to find something to care about rather than caring about something.

HOWEVER: Seems that Carson as well as several other posters that I respect saw that as a stumbling block. They wanted more motivation - desperation if you will - for Lowell's antics. So, I think I need to cede that point.

it's a relatively easy fix. Should not be hard to write why Lowell cares about homeless vets in general and this homeless vet in particular. Think I can get there.

Inrto Jason earlier


A few posters had this issue and I think it is a valid one. It would help the story.

Overall, this was a useful exercise and I think I will play in the sandbox again.  It was a productive exercise. Thanks for your interest - as always - appreciated.