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That looked like so much fun so I decided to try and start another one. I doubt anyone will look at this so I am just standing here talking to myself. I will start anyway...
Open on: U-Haul Van, INT, Night.
There are three people in the car. Greg, 31, a dad. and Cheryl, 33, a mom. Their 8 year old son is in the back seat. He is asleep.
Greg: (quietly) What did we do to deserve this?
Cheryl: (quietly) This is what happens when you do something good. From now on lets be bad people so we can be rewarded.
Greg: I don't think that would be a good way to raise Charley.
Cheryl: I was kidding.
Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
shelbyoops - September 4th, 2005, 4:36pm
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Balt
Posted: September 4th, 2005, 8:36pm
Guest User
Um... question. What the hell is this about? Also, you don't need to write "A DAD" "A MOM" we can probably assume that when you say so and so and so and so are in the front seat, their 8 year old son is in the back.
I mean if you are just getting into writing, it's always great to write and write and write some more, so don't think you are writing for nothing. Maybe you're right, nobody will read your work... but the point isn't to have someone read it at your stage. The point is to get more and more experience so that someday, soon even, you will have a polished script people will want to read.
Feedback is always good, but general knowledge is always better I say. If you know what you like and think drives the screenplay then it shouldn't matter what anyone else has to say or think about your screenplay.
I know this topic is very old, but shelby, if you are still out there, I'd like to encourage you and anyone else who would like to revive our old original concept and start again. That's what this forum was originally for. We had a script we just individually kept adding scenes to.
I like the way it has gone, though. I hope people are finding cowriters and others like themselves to pursue their ideas!
Cheryl stares with her eyes wide out the window. Greg looks at her and waves his hand in front of her face. She looks at him still with her eyes wide.
GREG I know that this day has been rough for you Cheryl. First we are gagged, a squirrel attacked you, and now you found the head of Gary Coleman.
CHERYL Whatchu talkin' bout' Greg?!
Cheryl seems to be in a trance.
GREG Is it truly necessary to immitate Gary Cole...
CHERYL Whatchu talkin' bout' Greg?!
The light ahead of them turns green, but Greg doesn't accelerate forward. He is focused on Cheryl.
GREG Stop it.
CHERYL Whatchu talkin' bout' Greg?!
Some horns start honking behind the Uhaul van and then Greg notices. He floors it and they go into the intersection.
The box starts sliding back towards Charley, and then it tips. Out roles the head of Gary Coleman. Eyes wide open. It knocks into Charley waking him.
He let's out a scream and kicks it away. Then he notices another box in the corner. Cheryl looks back along with Greg when they collide head on with a tree.
The other box tumbles over and out roles Chuck Norris' head.
The spedometer teeters near 40 MPH. The UHAUL shakes under the stress of such a high speed.
GREG Tell me again why we're chasing them?
CHERYL They're theives. I told you.
GREG How do you know that?
CHERYL Women's intuition.
GREG Is that the same intuition that got us a Uhaul full of other people's stuff and a bizarre shipment of has-been actors' heads?
CHERYL Of course!
GREG Oh, well. That's ok then.
EXT. HIGHWAY
The Uhaul zips past a small campsite. The super-sonic speed of the truck causes the two inhabitants of the tent to look up.
They watch as the Uhaul very, very slowly trundles past them. These two are FRANK and ERNEST.
FRANK Wow, I never seen a Uhaul move that fast.
ERNEST Me neither. It's gonna pass that Yugo.
FRANK Hey, get me that power supply out of the truck.
Ernest walks over to a large Uhaul. He opens the rear door. Just inside is a framed picture of Greg, Cheryl, and Charley. Ernest grabs a large black box. He hands it to Frank.
ERNEST What do tou think their hurry is?
FRANK Dunno. If they were chasing that Viper that zipped by here a moment ago, they are SOL.