SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 5th, 2025, 3:31pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Down Holler Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 4 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Down Holler  (currently 4729 views)
personnumber123864
Posted: July 21st, 2009, 5:42pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
41
Posts Per Day
0.01
that's great. congratulations. hope it all works out for you.

where is trickum? in your screenplay i remember he flew into atlanta but your address on the title page is in nash vegas. is it in georgia or tennessee?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 15 - 22
BoinTN
Posted: July 21st, 2009, 6:41pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
93
Posts Per Day
0.01
Trickum is in Georgia, but I hail from Nashville.  For this one, kept everything nice and southern.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 16 - 22
personnumber123864
Posted: July 21st, 2009, 7:33pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
41
Posts Per Day
0.01
that's apparent from the title. how did you come up with 'down holler'?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 17 - 22
BoinTN
Posted: July 22nd, 2009, 9:31am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
93
Posts Per Day
0.01
"Down Holler" was a direction I'd heard growing up... "Where's Ed?"  "He's down holler."  I though there was something innately comforting about the description, so I used it as the title, though there's no direct reference in the script to that, I still like it.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 18 - 22
personnumber123864
Posted: July 22nd, 2009, 12:05pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
41
Posts Per Day
0.01
it's a good title. good logline too.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 19 - 22
BoinTN
Posted: July 22nd, 2009, 12:10pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
93
Posts Per Day
0.01
Much appreciated!  Hopefully it will make a good movie one day, too!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 20 - 22
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: July 23rd, 2009, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Yup, that's me, myself, and I up in the corner
Posts
1762
Posts Per Day
0.30
BoinTN

hello,

It needs a little work, but then most scripts do anyway.

I can see once or maybe twice but... your doctors and nurses, appear often in your script.  Have you thought about assigning them names?

Second, it's too wordy in some parts.  It made for a very hard read at times.

I wont list them all, just a couple.

Page#20... INT. HOME, can be cut a little.

Page#71... Kate is in bed - it's very late, after all.   I'd re-word it or get rid of after all.

Page#89... She carries herself like royalty, trapped by geography.  Sounds like poetry to me.  Is "trapped by geography," necessary?

Third, you have several INTERCUTS.  Minor adjustments, I would suggest.

Page 22 after that Intercut... you need a BACK TO SCENE or a new MASTER SCENE HEADING.

Overall,

Original, no.  Somewhat predictable. I kept reading beacuse it was pretty funny for the most part... but then again, it's comedy.

Did I like it,  yes, but I suggest tighten it up.

Good Luck to you,

Ghostwriter 22


Logged
Private Message Reply: 21 - 22
BoinTN
Posted: July 23rd, 2009, 4:54pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
93
Posts Per Day
0.01
Thanks for the feedback!  Once I finish the new script, I may go back and do those very things.  My later work has been defined by more brevity, certainly, and I do like to hear myself write at times... it's a problem I'm addressing with each new project.

Still, I will always defend a little poetry in my work.  That's a criticism I will embrace.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 22 - 22
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006