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Price Tag by Henry Gifford - Comedy - Price Tag is a romantic-comedy, based on the idea that the longest relationship you have in life is not with another person but with money. 106 pages - pdf, format
I've only read a few pages in "10" but your dialogue is too on the nose. You need to space after slugs and you're scenes are more than 6 lines a pop in some instances... This will all have to be adressed.
For instance, on page 1 you have FADE TO BLACK:
That's fine... but make sure it's on the right side. Not the left. Then make sure you space below it once and then have your credits.
On your credits you have to give us a time it stops. So you can have something like...
but then you have to bring us back into the movie
You have to do that.
Also, you use actual CAMERA directions in your script. CLOSE ON don't do that.
Anyways, if I get any further with it I'll be back in this space to tell you what I think.
Yes, you're right about the spacing and the alignment - but as for the credits, I didn't suggest there should be any: I only suggested the MAIN TITLE. As for the end, it's not important to write End Credits. What's the point?
But I definitely agree that the actions/dialogue could be trimmed.
As for CLOSE UP, I felt it was important and it is one of the only camera directions I give in the script (I think) and it's pretty much the same as writing POV - in a way, both are camera directions but both can be found in many scripts.
But then again, that's just me.
Let me know if you do manage to read all of it, would like to know what you think.
i haven't posted anything since i'm just starting out but i really like this site. i always suspected that there were a lot of good scripts out there which simply haven't been produced due to the fact that it's just plain difficult to cross that "velvet rope". this site definitely confirms my suspicion though. do you have any others online?