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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  The Ring Finger Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Ring Finger  (currently 1139 views)
Don
Posted: November 7th, 2010, 11:40am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Ring Finger by Leonard Chitunhu - Comedy - A group of teens must stop a movie that literally bores people to death. 110 pags - pdf, format


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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  November 15th, 2010, 7:47pm
Revised script
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Trojan
Posted: November 7th, 2010, 12:29pm Report to Moderator
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Leonard, you've got a number of mistakes in just one page alone. My advice would be to proofread your work thoroughly before submitting on here. If you can't write one page without making obvious errors then I don't like the odds on the other 100 or so pages.

Cheers,
Tim.
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fionaman
Posted: November 7th, 2010, 2:09pm Report to Moderator
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Probably the greatest logline I've read on this site, but Trojan is right, rife with errors. Remember, presentation is everything.

EDIT: Some of the errors in the first page

misspelled words
missing slug lines (in the intercutting)
a missing insert I believe

I might just make this my next read though, I can look past technical errors if theres a good story there
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Marcus Gravy
Posted: November 8th, 2010, 4:35am Report to Moderator
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Can I spell check then resubmit it? I had gone over it a couple of times though.
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mcornetto
Posted: November 8th, 2010, 6:04am Report to Moderator
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When I first saw your name I thought it said Leonard Cthulhu  and I thought, really???

But apparently it's not, unless you made a typo on your name...

In which case you would correct it and resubmit the script. And you would be sure to let the webmaster know by using the Comments box on that form that this is a new draft of an existing script.
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Marcus Gravy
Posted: November 8th, 2010, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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How do you intercut? Should the slug line be over every other transition? Or you can:

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Jim...

INT. BASEMENT - DAY

Joe shmoe....

Intercut Joe and Jim
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dogglebe
Posted: November 8th, 2010, 11:38am Report to Moderator
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You can always resubmit a script.  Just tell Don that so he won't post it as a second script.

Don't just use a spellchecker.  Read the script aloud.  Very often I'll type a similar word in a sentence than what I intend; a spellchecker won't pick it up.

You pretty much got the intercut right.  Just capitalize INTERCUT JOE AND JIM


Phil
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