SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is June 30th, 2025, 8:22pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The answer to: Who wrote what script in the June 2025 One Week Challenge? <- click back there


The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  A Dead Good Idea Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
Wealer and 3 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    A Dead Good Idea  (currently 7541 views)
alffy
Posted: November 11th, 2013, 4:34pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2175
Posts Per Day
0.31

Quoted from Ledbetter


Babies can wait.

Get the script done!  

Shawn.....><


Ha, I've been at the re-write most of the day now and I'm not far from done.  I'm actually quite pleased with myself...I hate re-writes!


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 30 - 36
irish eyes
Posted: November 11th, 2013, 9:46pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


There`s too much blood in my alcohol

Location
Upstate New York
Posts
1874
Posts Per Day
0.34
Anthony

Let me know when you're finished with the re-write.

Mark


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 31 - 36
Mr.Ripley
Posted: November 12th, 2013, 10:47am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
2014
Posts Per Day
0.29
Me too. I'll read the revised version. That'll be my baby shower gift.

Gabe


Just catching up.

If you’re interested in reading anything of mine, ask.

“Good morning, good evening, and good night”, Truman Burbank from the Truman Show.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 32 - 36
alffy
Posted: November 12th, 2013, 12:31pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2175
Posts Per Day
0.31
Cheers guys.  I'm done with the re-write but as I blitz it yesterday I want to let it settle and read through it again tomorrow.  No major big changes just a few tweaks and a few scene changes.  Oh and Henry appears earlier now as this was suggested by a few readers.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 33 - 36
alffy
Posted: December 14th, 2013, 7:09am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2175
Posts Per Day
0.31
New draft is up.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 34 - 36
irish eyes
Posted: December 14th, 2013, 8:45pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


There`s too much blood in my alcohol

Location
Upstate New York
Posts
1874
Posts Per Day
0.34
Hey Anthony

Finished with the redraft.

I didn't notice too many significant changes from the original. You cleaned up the grammar and typos.

As far as the story

I see Henry involved a lot more and entered the script a little earlier than before. Still page 41 for me, is still not early enough as he is basically the catalyst for the story.

I would also like to see his son Tony walking him to his grave along with Billy, a last chance to say goodbye.

My previous post:


Quoted Text
The story itself was not as strong as your last feature, I realise some of the tension that was set up between Billy and his brother and Billy and Tony, but I was kinda hoping Henry would be dead again after smoking the pot, when Tony found him. That way, it would have opened up and Tony would have been enraged at Billy.

But in the end it just flowed very safely, Tony said he was sorry to his dad and everyone lived happily ever after... I think it's just missing that little kick... maybe Henry wanders off stoned and Degsey knows nothing as he fell asleep and so now there is a hunt for him, all why Tony feels he's been taken for a ride and he's gonna kill Billy.


As this hasn't changed, my opinion is still the same and of course it's only my opinion. I just feel there isn't a great challenge, there's no twist. The audience knows Tony is going over to Billy's house to see if he is bullshitting him... and behold there's his father and an apology later everything is fine... just kinda cheesy, but that's my opinion.

You have a lot of funny lines in there and some standout characters... Degsey and Agatha

I still enjoyed it

good job

Mark


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 35 - 36
alffy
Posted: December 16th, 2013, 1:33pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2175
Posts Per Day
0.31
Cheers Mark.  I still haven't finished with this and I like your idea of having Tony walk with Billy and Henry at the end.  I'm finding it very hard to sit down and do any writing at the moment, which is why I thought I'd submit this draft for a few more pointers.

Having Henry introduced earlier helped with a few more funny situations but I'm struggling to get him in earlier still.  My main problem was running time as I could have easily added another 20 pages but over 100 isn't great for a comedy in my mind.

Thanks again Mark and I will get back to this at some point.  Is there anything I can 'try' and read for you?


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 36 - 36
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006