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A Dead Good Idea by Anthony Hudson (alffy) - Comedy - When money's tight, a young man will do anything for cash, even if it means digging up the past. 98 pages - pdf, format
logline When money's tight, a young man will do anything for money, even if IT means digging up things he shouldn't.... missing the IT
Page 1
grabs the grave digger form behind..... should be "from"
page 9
AGATHA Agatha, love.... I think you mean Billy
page 10
BILLY Yes, Degsey, but I didn’t buy anything. I’m skint aren’t I.... missing a ?
page 12
JASON God, he does my head in. He’s twenty one and acts like he’s twelve. He thinks about no one but himself. He needs to grow up and... Use the dashes -- when a character interrupts another
page 16
Billy smirks and makes a crosses over his heart.... Cross
page 17
DEGSEY What you saying, I is ripping you? This is new, been tested on monkey’s and shit, ain’t it... lose the apostrophe in monkey's
ok I'm upto page 30... i'll comment on the story when I finish
MELVIN Melvin Drew, pleased to me you. So how can I help you?... meet
page 80
BILLY Yeah, sorry. Did you get your slippers clean.... needs a ?
78-81 Where did Jason go? he was with Bill before that... ahhh found him
page 91
JASON Go on then. It’s what we do best, isn’t it. Drink tea in a crises.... Crisis
Finished
I have to say that this flowed very easily.
Each one of your characters stood out and were very well defined.
The relationship that Billy had with each one was very warming and very funny in parts... Especially with the pothead Degsey.
XXX SPOILER XXX
The story itself was not as strong as your last feature, I realise some of the tension that was set up between Billy and his brother and Billy and Tony, but I was kinda hoping Henry would be dead again after smoking the pot, when Tony found him. That way, it would have opened up and Tony would have been enraged at Billy.
But in the end it just flowed very safely, Tony said he was sorry to his dad and everyone lived happily ever after... I think it's just missing that little kick... maybe Henry wanders off stoned and Degsey knows nothing as he fell asleep and so now there is a hunt for him, all why Tony feels he's been taken for a ride and he's gonna kill Billy.
Cheers guys. I got your notes, Alex and they're great.
Mark, cheers for the notes and the read. I started writing this as a comedy/horror and through changes it kind of came out as a drama/comedy. I tried to make Degsey sound like he was trying to fake a gangster accent, hope that came off okay?
I thought you might have picked up on Vicar Melvin Drew's name...no, maybe you didn't watch that show about a grumpy old man?
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Got to read this but forgot to post a review so now I'm going to re-read it again. However, I'm leaving notes for each 15 pg I read so I don't forget. lol.
pg. 1 like the opening with the zombie flick. That was very funny. The line that gets me is: "We’ll have none of this tom foolery round here. Now get back in your hole." lol.
pg. 3 How does Agatha know Billy by first name while Billy doesn't?
For some odd reason I'm imagining Ricky Gervais as Billy.
You can add the black and white in the slug like:
INT. GRAVE - NIGHT (BLACK AND WHITE)
Don't need to put the BLACK AND WHITE as a note.
Degesy is a memorable character. lol. His speech is along will make actors recognize him. lol.
I like Debs. And her relationship with Billy later on but, I'll leave it for later.
Stopped at pg. 20. Will continue this.
Hope this helps, Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I read your script last night, or was a fun read, thanks! Aside from Amal details that others mentioned the writing was pretty tight. I didn't make any specific notes so ill have to let it sit and I'll shoot you an email with any now general impressions I have.
Hey Richard, thanks for the read and glad you found it a fun read. Yeah, send me an email, I'd be happy to know what you think after you've digested it for a couple of days.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Why does Rasheed accept the change? I think you can set more urgency to Billy's situation if Rasheed doesn't accept the change. lol.
I think it should be Debs who should be snapping at billy's crotch. This dream seqeunce represents Billy's failures I guess. Jason not happy with him and Debs who he hasn't had the courage to ask. lol.
How is he listening to Agatha's tale if he was dreaming? lol.
I would like Debs to get revenge on Degsey
You should include a scene where Billy makes the connection to getting money from digging up dead people. Prob change the dream sequence?
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/