Not sure what's up with the spacing in the script. Seems a bit excessive.
Those times seem so out of place.
INT. WILLS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM LATER IN THE EVENING
Greg and Will are playing madden football on
Not to mention they appear wrong.
Of course that would mean it's 9:49 am or it can be 9 minutes and 49 seconds after midnight but your slugline says evening.
so maybe 21:49 but a lot of people don't know 24hour clock.
9 pages in and not much has happened other then I know how much it cost for some at Taco Bell.
There is nothing that pulls me into the story here. The only thing I'm getting out of this is how every movie in the 80's started. Waiting for the parents to leave.
There has to be a better way of starting this in my opinion.
I'm driving her to the airport
Where his he again?
Nice, nice, so we going to have the
whole weekend to do what ever and
throw a party?
Sort of?... What the hell does that
My sister is going to be there the
whole weekend because my parents
don't trust me with the house. So a
party is going to be dependant on
I'm guessing you meant
And dependent is spelt wrong.
There are also some other errors in the way you do flashbacks. Might want to look at that.
Scanning forward, are those supposed to be running time? If it is it shouldn't be there.