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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Will and Greg Moderators: bert
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  Author    Will and Greg  (currently 996 views)
Don
Posted: August 8th, 2015, 4:22pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Will and Greg by Will Dukeman - Comedy - Will and his best friend Greg have the weekend to themselves as Wills parents are gone for the weekend. They do what most teens would do and throw a party. Friendships are tested, bets are made and plenty of alcohol is consumed in this raunchy teen comedy. 91 pages - pdf, format


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Erica
Posted: August 8th, 2015, 8:33pm Report to Moderator
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Not sure what's up with the spacing in the script.  Seems a bit excessive.

Those times seem so out of place.


Quoted Text
INT. WILLS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM LATER IN THE EVENING
00:09:49
Greg and Will are playing madden football on
xbox
.


Not to mention they appear wrong.

Should be

SUPERIMPOSE: 00:09:49
Of course that would mean it's 9:49 am or it can be 9 minutes and 49 seconds after midnight but your slugline says evening.
so maybe 21:49 but a lot of people don't know 24hour clock.

9 pages in and not much has happened other then I know how much it cost for some  at Taco Bell.

There is nothing that pulls me into the story here.  The only thing I'm getting out of this is how every movie in the 80's started.  Waiting for the parents to leave.

There has to be a better way of starting this in my opinion.

Quoted Text
WILL
I'm driving her to the airport
Friday morning.
GREG
Where his he again?
WILL
Pittsburgh.
GREG
Nice, nice, so we going to have the
(MORE)
4
whole weekend to do what ever and
GREG (CONT'D)
throw a party?
WILL
Sort of.
GREG
Sort of?... What the hell does that
mean?
WILL
My sister is going to be there the
whole weekend because my parents
don't trust me with the house. So a
party is going to be dependant on
her.


I'm guessing you meant
"Where IS he again?"

And dependent is spelt wrong.

There are also some other errors in the way you do flashbacks.  Might want to look at that.

Scanning forward, are those supposed to be running time?  If it is it shouldn't be there.  


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