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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  He's A Dog Moderators: bert
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  Author    He's A Dog  (currently 1108 views)
Don
Posted: August 21st, 2015, 12:39am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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He's A Dog by Cheryl Bealer-Wynton - Comedy - After he accidentally ingests his girlfriend's research project, Jim turns into a dog and finds he must use his canine abilities to keep her out of the clutches of another man. - html, format


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ChrisRamsdell
Posted: November 29th, 2015, 1:02pm Report to Moderator
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Read the first few pages and I like it.  Good dialogue and funny moments.
My only suggestion is less parenthesis in dialogue.  Actions would read better not in the dialogue but the story.  
I'm a dog guy too and thought your premise was funny.
Good luck.
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Erica
Posted: November 29th, 2015, 2:01pm Report to Moderator
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The premises is cute and I think it would make a good family comedy movie.  For me it starts out a little too cliche but maybe that's what makes a good family film.

Like Chris said, you need to move most of your parenthesis into action lines.

The dialogue seems smooth and it flows nice, making it an easy read.  I like that it gets right into the story of changing to a dog.


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