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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Zero to 100 Moderators: bert
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Lightfoot
Posted: November 28th, 2015, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
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I have read up to page 40 and unfortunately will have to agree with a previous post, there is no story. All I have read so far is Jake doing his job and although a had a laugh at a few bits there isn't much else to keep me interested. You will need to give Jake a goal to achieve or a challenge to over come, something that will spark off some sort of story... for example maybe it was a fluke that he passed training and is now a cop, no one else knows this but him so he wants to prove to himself that he can be a great cop.



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Marcela
Posted: November 30th, 2015, 12:19pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Nolan, I got only to page 6, partially because I'm lazy today but mainly because, like everybody else said, I wanted a start of some kind of a conflict...  I liked the first three pages or so, I guess you can keep it as it stands now. Good luck with the rewrite,
Marcela


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