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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Things Change Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: January 20th, 2016, 8:01pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Things Change by David Dogman Harvey - Comedy - A man and his wife take in his eccentric and elderly father and move next door to the neighbors from Hell.  The neighbor's abuse takes its toll on the couple so the man seeks his own form of justice and revenge before they move. 103 pages - pdf, format


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bert  -  February 17th, 2016, 3:27pm
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Brett
Posted: February 17th, 2016, 3:14pm Report to Moderator
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I've read the first twenty pages and my main observation would be that it feels stiff. What amounts to twenty pages of exposition without any real character development. The conversation between the sibs felt way too casual. That's a time grudges and debts come screaming to the fore. They'd also have rude and/or cruel nicknames for each other. Make me believe these people are wrapped up in each other's lives.
Good luck.
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Dustin
Posted: February 17th, 2016, 8:20pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from Brett
I've read the first twenty pages and my main observation would be that it feels stiff.


Sounds like this could be a good one... particularly the first 20 pages.


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