SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 1st, 2025, 10:37pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The answer to: Who wrote what script in the June 2025 One Week Challenge? <- click back there


The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Perth Problem Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Perth Problem  (currently 1141 views)
Don
Posted: February 10th, 2017, 7:43pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17346
Posts Per Day
1.94
Perth Problem by Ryan Worrall - Comedy - Two Best friends from a small town travel to Toronto, Ontario in search of an internet girlfriend. 103 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
eldave1
Posted: February 10th, 2017, 9:55pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6967
Posts Per Day
1.75
Took a quick peak. It was a rough start for me.


Quoted Text
1 INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT 1


Why are you numbering your nights and days?? Also - you don't need to number the scene headings.


Quoted Text
A typical family's dining room, there are plates with bits
of food on the table. EMILY TENNANT sits at the table typing
on her laptop computer. DAVID TENNANT walks in, and starts
to clear the table. Emily closes her computer, gets up and
starts to help clear the dishes.


Need a period after "room". there should be the start of a new sentence.

Would be helpful to include the age of your characters.

I would break this up into two or three action blocks.


Quoted Text
EMILY
Here Dad let me help you with
those


Missing a comma


My Scripts can all be seen here:

https://dlambertson.wixsite.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Wworrall
Posted: February 13th, 2017, 12:48pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
1
Posts Per Day
0.00

Quoted Text
Why are you numbering your nights and days?? Also - you don't need to number the scene headings


That was the script writing program, guess it made thing easier to go from scene to scene.


Appreciate the input, probably going to be more than a few missed Commas/ Periods. Hopefully it didn't put you off enjoying the script though

Thanks,
- Ryan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006