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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  86 the Special Moderators: bert
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  Author    86 the Special  (currently 685 views)
Posted: January 13th, 2019, 4:55pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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86 the Special by Michael L Kennedy - Comedy, Sci Fi - Customers who come in right before closing are the worst, especially when they cause you to get sucked into an endless void.  100 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Posted: January 13th, 2019, 9:01pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

Southern California
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Quoted Text

The diner is slightly dirty and mostly empty.

You never have to repeat your location in the description if it's in the header. e.g., the above should be:


Slightly dirty and mostly empty.

Best to write actively. Avoid the "is"and "ings." e.g., this:

Quoted Text
A BUSBOY (19) is wiping down booths with a well-worn towel and a WAITRESS
(40) is marrying bottles of ketchup.

Reads better as:

A BUSBOY (19) wipes down booths with a well-worn towel and a WAITRESS
(40) marries bottles of ketchup.


Quoted Text
A BEARDED MAN (40) is sitting by himself in a large booth. He
is in a back corner of the diner,

Better as:

A BEARDED MAN (40) sits by himself in a large booth in the back corner of the diner.

My Scripts can all be seen here:
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Posted: January 24th, 2019, 6:30pm Report to Moderator

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Thanks to anybody who reads this thing.

The goal here was really to make things get progressively weirder every ten pages.

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