SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 25th, 2020, 12:33am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

blah, blah, blah challenge scripts are posted.

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Agent Thumb Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Agent Thumb  (currently 354 views)
Don
Posted: August 19th, 2019, 3:25pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
14133
Posts Per Day
1.97
Agent Thumb by Alison Parker and Rodriguez Fruitbat - Comedy - A raunchy twist on the tiny character from English folklore, Tom Thumb is an unmotivated loser who gets roped into working undercover for the DEA to bring down the biggest drug dealer in Los Angeles. 101 pagescontests: Scriptapalooza - Quarter-Finalist; Screencraft Comedy: Quarter-Finalist; LIVE READ LA: Finalist; Burbank International: Semi-Finalist; Screencraft Public Domain: Quarter-Finalist; Rhode Island Flickers: Semi-Finalist - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at: facebook.com/UCanBeSafe/
-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
RodriguezFruitbat
Posted: November 14th, 2019, 1:25am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
83
Posts Per Day
0.03
BTW, this won Best Adapted Screenplay at the Burbank International Film Fest, so that was exciting. Got my first trophy
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 10
LC
Posted: November 14th, 2019, 5:47am Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
4675
Posts Per Day
1.07
Congrats to you both!  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 10
Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 14th, 2019, 9:12am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1069
Posts Per Day
1.51
Congrats on your trophy.

Found time to read the first 6 pages (which actually didn't take that long at all)

Really well written, funny, interesting. Kinda reminded me a bit of Ted in that, I didn't expect Tom THumb to be so rude and crude lol.

I don't have anything helpful to add, just that I enjoyed the read (even if it was only a small read)

I am curious about the dialogue on the opening page - I haven't seen it formatted like that before, why have you formatted it like that? Took me a while to realise Sara was talking on the phone, I just thought you forgot to introduce her.

I love the writing, I only stumbled once (on the first block)


Quoted Text
hovers shaking
fingers over a glowing cell phone while driving erratically.


Had to go over a few times to know what I was seeing - but after that, super easy read.

Best of luck with it


Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 10
RodriguezFruitbat
Posted: November 14th, 2019, 10:04am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
83
Posts Per Day
0.03
Thanks LC and Matthew.

We played with the formatting for the texted dialogue in the opening. We could have just done the traditional dialogue format but with (Text) notations, but since the script is very different we didn't mind breaking the rules a bit to set the tone. Originally we even had colored font and emojis there, which some people liked it but others were offended that it wasn't proper so we dialed it back. From your comment, it looks like we could make it more clear that she is texting while driving.

Thanks for reading!
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 10
Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 14th, 2019, 11:31am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1069
Posts Per Day
1.51
Oh I see, I didn't get that she was texting at all lol

Guess it depends on how you want the audience to see it. Are they gonna read the text straight from the phone? Pop up text? Or are the characters reading it out (V.O.)

Oh, and if it's pop up text then I don't see the problem with including emojis



Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 10
eldave1
Posted: November 14th, 2019, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
5979
Posts Per Day
2.66
Super! - Atta go.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 10
Colkurtz8
Posted: February 5th, 2020, 6:47am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
--> Over There
Posts
1749
Posts Per Day
0.40
Rodriquez/Alison

I read this on a whim, very silly but also very witty. Lots of laughs in here.

One's mileage for short jokes will vary, the pun heavy, puerile, lewd humour can wear thin but it kept me chuckling pretty consistently all the way through. It's fairly well plotted too and moves along at a steady clip.

I can see why it's done well in competitions. You two definitely know how to write.

Have you tried to shop it around?


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 10
RodriguezFruitbat
Posted: February 6th, 2020, 1:02am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
83
Posts Per Day
0.03
Hey Colkurtz8,

Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it.

Alison and I tried some VPF submissions, but not much response. (Not sure if you've used it, but it seems the request rate is usually around 1 or 2 for every ten queries) And then we never heard back from the requestors. Maybe we just gave up too early on pitching, but there's really only a couple of producers for high budget/crude comedies.

Do you think there's potential?
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 10
Colkurtz8
Posted: February 6th, 2020, 4:20am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
--> Over There
Posts
1749
Posts Per Day
0.40

Quoted from RodriguezFruitbat
Hey Colkurtz8,

Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it.

Alison and I tried some VPF submissions, but not much response. (Not sure if you've used it, but it seems the request rate is usually around 1 or 2 for every ten queries) And then we never heard back from the requestors. Maybe we just gave up too early on pitching, but there's really only a couple of producers for high budget/crude comedies.

Do you think there's potential?


Yeah, it definitely has the tone and pace of one of those R-rated comedies which, to be honest, are not my thing, but I can still remove my personal tastes and objectively recognize a marketable script when I see one. Was "Ted" an influence by any chance?



Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 10
RodriguezFruitbat
Posted: February 6th, 2020, 11:37am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
83
Posts Per Day
0.03
Thanks for the confidence, maybe we should dust it off for one more round of submissions.

Both Alison and I have written pretty crude stuff in the past and lived in LA, so when we decided to adapt Tom Thumb the concept came pretty naturally. She hadn't seen Ted, but I did note some similarity to Ted in the set-up so we actively tried to avoid being too close.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 10 - 10
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006