Entangled by Lamar Cuyler (lamardsol) - Drama - a modern day urban romeo and juliet. 112 pages - html, format

Too the writer...

Celtix is free download, I'd suggest you get it.  Your first action line alone is very chunky, way too long.

This is a feature, correct?  Your main characters should have complete names.  Surely you can't call them MR. & MRS. BEY for 117 pages.  What is this, inundated curves?  Words like that turns people away.  How about, "lovely curves."

This?  Mr. BEY, a handsome brown skinned brother in his late forties with a burly frame and African features walks in adjusting his police uniform.  All this is not necessary.

Why not just, give us a first name, Bey (40s), African American walks in, adjusts his police uniform.

This too...

Guy is his son, right?  I assume after re-reading that line.  "Ten year old young GUY shuffles into the kitchen."

I'm thinking, this is just a young Guy from how it reads besides the fact...  Ten year old young.  We know ten years old is young.  Leave out the young, better yet just put a number, GUY (10), shuffles into the kitchen.

Again... Young Jon... young Sophia.  HOW YOUNG?  

I'd place a number instead of writing out your ages, and I'd make your characters more human with a first name.

Unfortunately, your going to be hard pressed to get anyone to read this.  I read to page 7 and more of the same.  You may have a story to tell somewhere in here but just too many issues with your writing.

Good Luck,

Ghostwriter22