SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is February 21st, 2024, 8:09pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Click here -> The February One Week Challenge Theme

Submit OWC scripts to Simplyscripts.com/owc

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Haven Lost Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Haven Lost  (currently 1570 views)
Don
Posted: July 31st, 2010, 7:32am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16321
Posts Per Day
1.94
Haven Lost by Curtis James Coffey - Drama - While awaiting prosecution, one man tells the story of his involvement with a powerful crime family, where he learns about the power of friendship and the bonds of blood. However, as his world begins to fall apart, he discovers the hard way the dangers of the life and the agony of betrayal. 140 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 9th, 2011, 1:18pm
Revised script
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
marvink
Posted: August 24th, 2010, 10:13am Report to Moderator
New


Location
Chula Vista, Ca.   United States
Posts
101
Posts Per Day
0.02
Curtis I read seventy pages of your script and skimmed the remainder. I hate to see someone post and not get any responses. I know myself it is very discouraging.

   The story is pretty standard, just what one might expect of these types of stories. Your formatting is good with a few exceptions. Your dialogue is average, could be a lot better, but couldn't all of us write better dialogue.

   The script drags on for much longer than needed in my opinion. I know it is hard to trim and cut scenes but I think you could cut this down under a hundred pages without much problem.

   Overall I thought it was good. Action was good. Plot was average. I like these types of scripts and I think the public likes these types of movies. I wish you luck.  Marvin.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Marcus Gravy
Posted: September 8th, 2010, 11:54am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
10
Posts Per Day
0.00
I thought it was good, great introduction, the voice over was a great idea and the conclusion caught me by surprise, however, the fact that the protagonist betrays the Don disturbs me a little, since I was hooting for him, and Paulie's motivation to backstab his family did not see sufficient.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006