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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Escalator Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: July 2nd, 2011, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Escalator by Laurel St. Loren - Drama - Trevor and Twain are your average midwestern couple, until they find their lives forever altered by a seemingly unstoppable domino effect that sends their lives escalating out of control. 121 pages - rtf, format


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Forgive
Posted: January 13th, 2012, 6:16pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Hi Laurel - this seems pleasant enough, but the formatting issues tend to get in the way of the story a little:

Your first slug is entirely missing - not a great start.

Then most of page three is blank - not too sure what is going on there.

Page 4 you situate the scene in the living room, and then have Mercy step into the house... if nothing this needs a little clarification.

Bottom of page 4 you have a slug 'dusty's Bedroom', and then introduce dusty as him - character need to be in CAPS when first introduced and then give some description... you then do you blank page thing again...

Page 6 is numbered page 3...?

EXT. SAVEMOR - DAY: I think this should be something along the lines of

EXT. SAVEMOR GROCERY STORE - DAY

Page 5 or 10:
He takes a drag off of Twain's cigarette
Should be
He takes a drag from Twain's cigarette

I did get the feeling there was a fairly good story there, trying to get out, but I'm not sure your writing style does it justice. You do wander somewhat into prose, and you really need to keep your writing tighter for a script.

Some of the dialogue was very good, but there are a lot of characters in this and it can get confusing.

Also get Celtx, if you want to keep this up - Celtx can pdf your script.

Simon
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